old school journal 3.27.04

this last week i learned about humility (much more than what i have written). my goal for this coming week is to do exactly what God wants for me to do. a big part of humility is realizing who you are in relation to God; and basically knowing your role, not trying to be someone greater or less than you are, but being one piece of the cosmic puzzle that fits where it is supposed to fit.

since i was very young, i've felt a sense of mission. i was a smart, rational kid. i reasoned, "i'm saved. now i get to go to heaven. that's pretty much what i've been told. but there's more to it; otherwise, the moment i prayed that prayer, God would have taken me up to heaven. but he left me on earth for a reason. i must be left here to tell other people about salvation, so that they can pray that prayer and tell others and so on and then eventually we'll all go to heaven." over time i have realized that, while "witnessing" is important, we are left on earth for a far greater reason. we are here to live. my job is not just to try and get myself and a bunch of people to heaven. the real purpose of living is to bring a piece of heaven to earth. and well, as a result of that taste of heaven, people will be hungry for more.

so anyways, i want to do my specific part that God has for me and no one else. the piece of heaven that only i can show to people.

old school journal 3.24.04

i haven't been doing much on the site lately because it's so frustrating. it's tough to log-on, and then it doesn't save. i think it's the computers here, because it's kindof the same with my email.

ok so i've been studying this week's parshah and i've been amazed at how much i'm getting out of it. it is the first 5 chapters of Leviticus, about the sacrifices and stuff. last year i learned all about how they were done and everything. it was like woopee, but what does that mean for me? this year i'm seeing the symbolism and the driving force behind the sacrifices. it's so cool!

the theme that's being hit home to me is humility and dignity. one thing that has made humility such a difficult concept is that i focused on humility within myself. the idea that "i need to be more humble within myself". but humility is toward God. it's not so much about making yourself less, but making others more.

our weakness shows God's strength more clearly. but we must also remember our own worth. when we think that we are so insignificant that it doesn't matter what we do, then we don't think it matters what we do, so we do anything. but knowing our worth, we know that what we do matters, and we seek to advance God's kingdom with our actions. it's the same with prayer. if we think our prayers don't matter, we wont pray.

God has chosen for us to be a pivotal part of his plan. Adam in his pride tried to grasp for godliness, (your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil) and was disobedient, but we are to be like Christ who did not consider godliness something to be grasped but made himself a servant and he was obedient. we must be obedient knowing our proper place in the sceme of things, that we are not insignificant, but we are not the greatest.

old school journal 3.10.04

why? i started off so well. i had a plan, a strategy, a schedule. and yet i am in the middle of writing 23 pages in 32 hours. what is it that causes me to procrastinate even when i give myself a head start. o well. i'll survive. gotta go.

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i'm back. i'm at work, and i had to actually do something. so this afternoon i am going to take a nap. then later i'm going to my girlfriend, joy's birthday party. wahoo!
ok that's all for now.

old school journal 3.5.04

yesterday it rained and stormed. today it's bright and sunny and it's supposed to stay this way for a week. a week from today i'll be on spring break. yesterday i was in the library during the storm. i went into the achievement center to work. nobody came in for tutoring. all the tutors sat in silence for an hour. then at quitting time we all got up and left. during the storm, i decided to go take a look outside. it was crazy wet and windy. the window doors were kinda fogged up, so i decided to open the door and get a better looked. i cracked the door and was instantly soaked. buckets of rain were blown in on me. it literally felt like a shower, and not one of those low pressure shower heads. by the end of work it was bright and sunny.

old school journal 3.3.04

so a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. the sun came out. i got a girlfriend. she's the coolest girl ever. people have been talking a lot about revival at school. the passion is in theaters. it's raining.