Kansas

I'm at my gramma's for a few days.

I'll write when I return to Texas.

Across the Street

Across the street
He stumbled and fell
But he was across the street
So I walked on
And forfeited the privilege
Of carrying my Lord’s cross

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb (in under ten days)

Colorado
In Colorado, we got to see my little bro's basketball game which he played very well in and his team won. We also got to meet his lovely girlfriend. We even got to go on a little double date with them.

My little bro got me the CD I wanted. I'll let you guess which one. And my mom got me an MP3 player.

Trevor, I hope you're reading this. When I saw you coming out the door I think I said to my girlfriend, "Here comes Tyler." I don't know why. So then she might have called you Tyler. And you didn't correct her. After you left I was like "Tyler? His name's Trevor." So, if we didn't call you Tyler or you didn't notice then cool. Otherwise, I'm totally sorry. I know your name is Trevor. You rock. We gotta keep in touch more so that your name doesn't slip my mind again. Next time you see me, you can call me Joseph or Jonathan, whichever you prefer. Keep on dancin!

Joy and I saw "Finding Neverland" starring Johnny Depp. I don't think it was advertised very well. But I had heard enough about it to know that I wanted to see it. And now that I have, I highly recommend it. It got me thinking even more about stuff that I have already been thinking about.

My girlfriend and I washed her car and my mom's car and my bro's car. It was fun. Her car looked so nice. Too bad by the time we got back to Texas her car looked filthy again. That's the problem with having a white car.

Wyoming
As we were driving down the highway, there was a sign with those orange light up letters that said there was an accident at mile marker (I think it was) #327. When we got there we saw a big Fed-Ex truck tipped over and boxes all over in the snow.

Utah
The wedding was small but beautiful. My tux fit wonderfully and I looked smashing. Oh the bride looked amazing too. Lots of people were crying as she walked down the aisle, including the groom and I (but I kept the tears from actually leaving my eyes). We were there for a day and a half before the wedding. I am the bride's friend, but I hardly got to see her. I got to be around the groom a lot though. And I like him, he seems like a good guy. I still think they should have waited a little longer, but I'm happy for them and I think they'll be good together.

New Mexico
We went to New Mexico to visit my girlfriend's sister. I don't recommend moving to New Mexico, but I don't recommend moving to Texas either, yet here I be. We ate at this place called Taco Box, which doubles as a gas station. Sounds pretty nasty, but the food was actually very good.

I woke up and got ready to leave for Texas and looked out the window. It was snowing. And it was real snow like the kind we get in Colorado, not the fake ice stuff they get in Texas.

West Texas
If you plan on stopping in Abeline for a bite to eat, do your homework first. We searched for over half an hour to find the fast food district of town.

Kansas
Today is my gramma's birthday, and I was gonna go up and see her, but I called my mom and we decided that it would be better if I wait and set up the interview for my job and then go up whenever I get the chance. So I called Grammer this morning and talked to her and told her happy birthday. Since I talked to her on the phone I really want to see her. I'll go up as soon as I get a chance. Who knows what adventures I may encounter driving through Oklahoma.

Snow Angels

I moved into the left lane to pass the car that was going far too slow. The tires beneath me started swerving on the ice. I held the steering wheel and tried to gently keep going straight. The car started skidding to the right. I turned the steering wheel to the left. Then I remembered that you’re supposed to turn into a skid. So I turned the wheel right. I think I turned too hard. The car spun completely around and we continued skidding off the side of the road.

My mind was working double time to keep us safe. What are my feet doing? Am I pressing the gas? Should I press the brake? Is that a telephone pole? This car had better not slam into that pole. I don’t know what to do. I guess I willed the car away from the pole. Or something kept us from hitting it. I saw the pole a few feet away from the window and getting closer, then I saw it moving yards away. Then there was the whiteness of flying snow. At least I thought the glittering walls of white surrounding the car were snow.

The car stopped. In front of me was some sort of a field covered with snow. Behind me, the road with cars whizzing by. My girlfriend and I were not hurt one bit. How had we not hit the car I was trying to pass? (Let’s not talk about how mad I was at myself.) I looked out the side window. A fence. A barbed wire fence. The front tires were on a section of the fence that I had knocked down.

I put the car in reverse. Nothing. My girlfriend took the wheel. I tried pushing from the front. The tires just spun. There were no dents in the car, just a few scratches on the front left of the bumper. The ground was soft and the front of the car was stuck on an old rotting piece of wood. I tried pulling the wood out from under the car and the wire, but it wouldn’t budge.

Then an angel appeared. An angel in a white four wheel drive pickup truck. He joined the two vehicles with a thick yellow rope. The truck roared and pulled and the thick yellow rope snapped.

The angel examined the front of the car and diagnosed the problem. It’s that rotten piece of wood. He got the shovel out of the truck bed and started hacking at the wood and digging around it. The wood was rotted but it was too thick and too pinned beneath the car and the barbed wire.

The one tool that the angel needed he didn’t have. A jack. But we had one in the trunk. We took out all of the luggage and found the jack. He jacked up the jack, but it kept sinking into the soft ground. He wiped away the softest earth and put a couple of wooden blocks under the jack and kept at it.

I noticed that he worked quickly but he didn’t seem to be in a rush or in a hurry. When one attempt to free the car failed, he didn’t get upset or frustrated. He just thought of another plan and went to work. Didn’t that guy have somewhere to get to? Was he on his way to work? Why was he on the road? And why was he so willing to spend so much time helping us? It seemed like the only thing that mattered to him was helping us. He never looked at his watch. He never criticized us for spinning off the road. He was nothing but kind and helpful.

He got the wood out from under the tire, then he broke some small pieces off and put them behind the tire to give some friction. He pushed on the front of the car and my girlfriend put it in reverse. The car rolled back and the fence stood up. We were free.

Should I give the guy money? Do angels eat fudge? I didn’t shake his hand; in fact, I don't think I ever even touched him. The closest I came was when he handed me the jack. I didn’t think to ask his name. As we were about to part ways he told us to drive carefully, and he said it sincerely, not sarcastically.

I don’t know what he believes about God and eternity, but I would be surprised if, in the world to come, he’s not close to the throne.

inertia

I got back to my dorm room last night after a nice little tour of western USA. Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, New Mexico, and West Texas. I wanted to write last night but I also didn't want to write. I could tell a bunch of stories right now and say some deep things. But I just don't really feel like it right now. Maybe I'll write those later.

As I was getting on the internet a few minutes ago, something flashed in my head. Inertia. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest, and objects in motion tend to stay in motion. But then friction and various forces fight against inertia. I think I'm pretty inert. And yet I like variety. I like things around me to change or stay the same, but I don't want to change myself or stop what I am doing. I want to be less inert. I don't want to be like a boulder that wont budge or a boulder rolling down a hill that wont stop. But I also don't want to be like a feather in the wind. Maybe more like a kite or a sailboat. Maybe I want to be a canoe; I like canoes.

I4I, 2th42th Q&A

Micah commented with this question, so I'll try to answer it:

It's Micah.
I have a question that has been debated about in my Bible class today: It has to do with, "An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth." The topic we were talking about in class was the issue of capital punishment. When Jesus quoted this verse from the Old Testament and then added that what he now says is "turn the other cheek", was he nullifying what was previously written or was he clarifying it? Since Jesus is the WORD, was he contradicting himself? This is kind of a loaded question, but along the lines of "turn the other cheek", did he mean take a beating? What are we supposed to do, or where do we draw the line between defending ourselves and fighting back? Our body is not our own, right? Did Jesus fight back when people spat on his face? If we are supposed to be examples of Christ, how are we supposed to stick up for what is right when someone mistreats us or hurts us? Whatever insight you have is helpful.

Eye for Eye, Tooth for Tooth
There are three passages in the Law that contain the phrase "eye for eye."
Ex. 21:22-25, Lev. 24:17-22, and Deut. 19:16-21

The context of the Exodus and Leviticus passages both start out with people fighting. If the fight was avoided in the first place, then there would be no need for gouging eyes or pulling teeth. But like with divorce, some sacrifices, and other punishment commands, this is sort of a secondary command. It would be best if people would just not break their vows or sin or hurt people, but we do those things, so God says how to deal with it.

The Leviticus passage seems like a list of clear cut statements, but they are actually basic statements that are clarified elsewhere. For example verse 17 seems pretty straight forward; you kill, you die. But Ex. 21:12-14 and Num. 35:9-25 clarify that if a person accidentally kills someone then he can flee to a city of refuge, but for premeditated murder the punishment is death.

The Deuteronomy passage says that false witnesses get punished however the defendant would have been punished.

Capital Punishment
According to Num 35:30, Deut 17:6 and 19:15 two or three people have to be witnesses. These witnesses have to be sure, because according to Deuteronomy 19 they could be put to death if they’re falsely accusing the defendant.

According to Deut 17:7, once the suspect is found guilty, the witnesses have to throw the first stone.

A lot of people think that following the Torah’s judicial system would be barbaric, bloody and cruel. But it is actually more lenient than America’s judicial system. The complaint would not be that the Torah’s judgements are too strict, but too lenient. Mercy triumphs over judgement in the Torah. In how many modern day trials are there two or three witnesses so 100% sure that they would risk their lives to convict the offender?

So I'm for biblical capital punishment, but it's not allowed in America. So if someone were to ask me, "Are you for or against capital punishment?" I would have to say against.

Turn the Other Cheek, etc.
The "Sermon on the Mount" starts out with Jesus saying that he came not to abolish the Law but to fulfill it. In old school Hebraic thought those phrases meant that he came to interpret the Law correctly. And the Greek word for fulfill means to fill to the brim. So in order to fill up, you don’t take things out. He just filled the gaps, not in the Law, but in people’s understanding of the Law. And Jesus warned other people not to teach anyone to break even the least commandment, so why would he himself teach people to break commandments?

Some people say that the stuff Jesus says after the eye for eye thing is subversive submission. That when they struck the first time it was with the back of the hand, so if you turn the other cheek they would have to slap you with the palm, which would mean acknowledging you as an equal. If someone sues you for your tunic and you give them your cloak, then you will be left there naked and will shame them. And if you go the second mile, they were in charge the first mile, but the second mile you’re volunteering, so you’re in charge. These may be right or not.

But I’m going to go back to looking at it judicially. In order to take tooth for tooth, you had to take the guy to court, you couldn’t take the law into your own hands. If a guy punched you and broke your nose, the commandment didn’t require you to break his nose, but if you really wanted to get him back then you could take him to the judges, present your case, and then you might be allowed to break his nose but nothing more.

So Jesus is saying don’t bother with all that. Be the good guy. Don’t stoop to the bad guy’s level. So there's a hint of subversiveness.

I feel like I should bring up the case of the adulterous woman from John 8. Jesus affirmed that her punishment should be stoning. But the scribes and pharisees hadn’t correctly gone through the red tape required for a stoning. So when Jesus said he who is without sin, he might have meant he who has followed the Torah fully in these court proceedings. First of all, they didn’t bring the man. The Law says to put both of them to death, not just one. And it seems like the pharisees might have made a deal with the man, or that they were following around the woman, not wanting to stop her from adultery, but in order to catch her in the act. So in order for the situation to come about the accusers were most likely violating Torah.

So Jesus was consistent with the Law. The Old and New Testament emphasizes mercy. Why fight back? Why not suffer physically and receive spiritual rewards? Why "hurt your witness"? I know those last couple of phrases seem trite. About the line between defending yourself and fighting back, I don’t think scripture gives a hard and fast rule for distinguishing between defense and attacking. It’s one of those things where you have to know your heart and emotions at that time and decide if you’re acting out of fear or anger or if you’re level headed.

Hope this helps. I gotta post and run. More comments and questions are welcomed by me.

12-10-04

I was going to write something deep and profound. It just didn't work out. But I still want to write something.

So I'll take this opportunity to tell you that one week from today I will be in a wedding. I'm the bride's best man. So I will be leaving monday night destined for Utah, making a very important stop in Colorado to see my little bro play basketball.

Tonight I'm going to dinner at some very kind and wonderful people's house. They have six children, the oldest one is 10 and they're not adopted or anything.

I was writing this and cooking lunch at the same time and I think I burnt some pasta.

Oh, and I think I'm going to move some of the posts from my other blog that I don't use anymore over to here.

Saturn

I was just old enough to realize that the world does not revolve around me, but still young enough to imagine, to believe that the impossible could be.

I sat in the car and watched the white lines rush toward the hood and shoot out the back window. The highway looked so much like the belt of a treadmill that it seemed possible that just might be how it worked. What if the wheels spinning did not propel the car forward, but pulled the ground backward?

I already knew that the earth was a big spinning ball. And turning a key and pressing a pedal therefore causing tires to spin, which somehow caused the immensely heavy car to move forward seemed just as ridiculous as the tires helping the earth spin a little bit more. From my position in the car it seemed as if the car was the only thing that was not moving.

I knew that to the people standing by the side of the road it looked like the car was moving. But people are used to standing on a spinning earth, so why would anyone notice that the ground was moving backwards because of the car?

The greatest blow to my Theory of the Treadmill Earth was the problem of all the other vehicles on the road going different speeds. I realized that if all of the cars pulled their own section of ground back at different speeds then the ground would tear like a big napkin. I postulated that maybe one car did all of the pulling and the other cars just rolled along without much effort. But how could one determine which car was actually doing the pulling? It would probably have to be the fastest car. The fastest car gets the treadmill going and the others just try to keep up.

But then I realized that this would mean that the slower cars were actually being moved forward by their wheels. And from my perspective the car would either be going forward or pulling the earth backward depending on whether or not it was the fastest car. My theory was not internally consistent. I believed my mind’s invention for a minute, but then I realized that it was wrong so I scrapped it.

I sometimes still want the world to revolve around me. I wonder if maybe somehow it revolves around each individual person.

Maybe every person has their own world; a distinct set of combinations of friends, experiences, thoughts and perceptions unique from anyone else. Maybe at each moment each person’s world has a sun that it revolves around.

In a delivery room worlds revolve around a woman. The husband’s planet rotates and revolves a little faster than the rest. A moment later every world, including the mother’s, revolves around a crying sun, and the planet called husband is renamed daddy. At a wedding the bride and groom are the sun. I remember a night a few months ago when stones were hurtling around Marcos and 2 hours and two thousand dollars later we were relieved that he would be at school another semester and nothing else mattered.

I’m still young enough to believe in what could be. I want to understand and explain things that are beyond my reach. But I’ll keep making up theories, and testing them. I hold on to what makes sense and even to what doesn’t. Sit back and soak in the wonder of mystery and miracle.

School's out for the Winter!

Today I took my last final. I also handed in two really pathetic papers. One of them was supposed to be 8 pages and I managed to squeeze it into less than two. It's better than not turning a paper in at all. But no more classes until January 19. That's right, 6 full weeks!

So I haven't been blogging because of finals. At least that's my excuse. It's not like I've actually been studying or anything. But if I had blogged when I was supposed to be studying then people would know that I was blogging instead of studying.

I've been in a really dungish mood since like Thursday or Friday and I don't know why. I hope that now that school's out, I'll be in a better mood. I think being able to blog would have helped. I had so much stuff I was gonna write about and I was gonna write one big random blog about all these different things that I've been thinking about and that have happened and the title would have had words from the Green Day song that starts out with "Do you have the time to listen to me whine about everything and nothing all at once?"

Last week’s Torah portion as well as this week’s (Genesis 41:1-44:17) have dreams which foretell the future. So it was interesting to me that last week I got a call from a guy who has been a sort of mentor to me. What’s so interesting is that he’s real big into preterism, which is a school of thought that understands the book of Revelation as already having been fulfilled. So after talking to him I started researching preterism and did a little study on theories of interpreting Revalation while at the same time studying Joseph’s interpretation of dreams.

There are three major divisions when it comes to interpreting Revelation. They are preterism, historicism, and futurism.

Most people are only familiar with futurism and spend their time arguing about the particulars within the futurism interpretation. I could try to explain preterism and historicism, but I dont feel like it. Though I do want to know what you think, so click the links above and Google search and tell me what you think. Last I knew, "Mentor" is a partial preterist, which is quite different from a full preterist. This is actually some pretty important stuff, because what you're expecting to happen tomorrow can affect how you live today. It is important to me for several reasons which I might go into some other time.

Blog ya later (or something?)

A Seal, A String, and A Stick

One would think that in this Torah portion I would focus on Joseph, but for some reason I am being drawn to the story of Judah and Tamar. I think it's because the story is so strange and because of the Messiah element. Judah and Tamar's son Perez is the great great...grandfather of Jesus.

Gen. 38:18 "He said, 'What pledge shall I give you?' She said, 'Your seal and your cord and your staff that is in your hand.'"

These three items were needed for the conception of the next person in the line of Messiah (Perez) as well as for the preservation of his life (38:25). I think that these three items, as well as the three items in the ark in the Holy of Holies, are a picture of Messiah and his role as priest-king.

The signet/seal: Hebrew - Chotam. This word is used to describe the seal of a king. It is also used to describe the engravings of the names of the twelve tribes of Israel on the jewels on the High Priest's breastplate. It is also used to describe the plate on which is written "Holy to LORD" that goes on the High Priest's forehead.

The cord: Hebrew - Pateel. This word is used for the cords that were used to fasten the breastplate and crown which the High Priest wore. And remember the tzitzit? The blue cord that I said is a picture of Messiah is a blue pateel.

The staff: Hebrew - Mattah/Matteh. Anytime you see staff or branch, it's probably a picture of Messiah. In Jewish thought, The Branch is another word for Messiah. The same word is used for Aaron's staff that budded proving his authority to be High Priest and also proved Moses' authority to lead the people. Moses' staff was used to deliver/save the people of Israel. I'll surely talk a lot more about the staff later.

So there you have it, ancestors and pictures of Messiah.
One more thing.

A central theme in this passage is the law/custom of the "duty of a brother-in-law" or "kinsman redeemer" which is also a theme of the story of Ruth and Boaz. Boaz was a great grandson of Perez and great grandfather of David and therefore in the line of Messiah. And you probably already know how the kinsman redeemer relates to Jesus and his mission. Okay, cool stuff. That's all for now.

At Least

(I started writing this post last night at about 10:30.)

There was plenty of stuff that I could do tonight but there was nothing that I really had to do. Finals start on Friday. But I can think about that later.

I walked through the nasty wind from the cafeteria to my room. I don't feel like doing anything that will require much effort. I have been wanting to get back on the internet and read those stories that highlight the awesome way that Jesus lived and therefore show how we should live. I want to read about what it really means to love my neighbor. I might pause for a few minutes and contemplate how much truth there really is in the statement that people are more important than principles.

This afternoon, as I was reading some of those embellished stories about Jesus and I just had to stop and pray. I was filled with such a keen sense of how uncaring I can be, I desire to be loving, I want opportunities to show love. Lord, I’m just like Judas yelling at that woman for wasting the perfume. Lord, help me to see that the individual in front of me at any given moment is far more valuable than any long range plans I may have. Lord, I desire to see through your eyes to feel that empathy and compassion that moved you to help people when you, in your human form, just wanted some peace and quiet for a moment.

6:30 pm, in my room, warm and safe from the bitter wind. My tummy is full of yummy food that I once again forgot to thank God for. I sat down at my computer. Click the internet explorer button, type in my name and password about 5 times, try to get my media player to play a song without freezing up my computer. Oh, right I’ve been wanting to check my mail too.

Knock, knock, knock.

Ugh. It’s probably somebody wanting to ask one of my roommates something. I just got comfortable. It’s alright, no big deal, just go answer the door, tell them you’re the only one here, then come back and sit down.

I open the door and it’s one of the many Josh’s.

“Hi. Is Phillip here?”

“Nope.” Okay time to close the door and get back to my little world.

“Oh. Um...could I ask you a favor?”

“I dunno. Whaddya want?”

“Well I’m supposed to pick Eric up from the airport at 8 but my alternator’s broken. So I don’t have any way to get there and he doesn’t have any way to get here. So could you drive me to the airport to pick him up?”

What in the world? I don’t want to spend two hours of my evening driving to the airport and back. I have been planning to play on my computer. And that’s what I’m gonna do. This isn’t my problem. Let’s keep it that way. He can find somebody else to take him.

I said some almost half truth like, "I'm kinda busy tonight." Well, I was planning on keeping myself busy doing stuff.

"That's what everyone else said. I've asked eleven people already and none of them could help me."

Stinks for you bud. Keep trying. You’re bound to find somebody who will help you at this big ole Christian University.

All I had to do was say, “Sorry. I wish I could help” and close the door and it would be over with. But I couldn’t say those words. It would be a total lie. I can tell a half truth, but not a flat out lie. If I really felt bad for him and wanted to help then I would. There’s no way I could say “wish I could help” if I didn’t. So now I’ve got to ask myself do I want to help this guy or not. I had already decided that I was worthy of not being interrupted, but the real question was whether or not this guy is worthy of my help.

He saw me pause and took it as a sign of hope. So he continued his pleading. “Eric said he would pay for gas and everything. And I’ll go with you. His airplane gets in at 8, so you wouldn’t have to leave until like 7:15.”

Okay. Think. What do I really have to do tonight. Nothing important. I weighed the balances in my mind the pros and cons. Such an inconvenience, but there is really no good reason for me not to help him. My car already has 160 thousand miles on it, what’s another eighty? I don’t have to pay for the gas. I have to spend a couple of hours different than how I had planned, but it wont be that bad. These guys are pretty cool, so it really wont be like torture.

“Yeah, I could probably help,” I said making sure that the sour look on my face conveyed the fact that I really didn’t want to help, but that I was willing to make this sacrifice for him.

“Thank you so much. You’re a really great guy. I’ll come back by at 7:15, okay?”

“Alright. See ya.”

I closed the door and when the latch clicked, so did my heart and my mind. I have been in the same position as him so many times before. I used to have to beg for rides to get here and there. Back then I promised myself that when I got a car I would look for people who needed rides and offer to give them a lift. I have asked people to help me with some things that a Christian should do without a second thought. Money for a missions trip to China, spending a night to help feed and clothe homeless people in Dallas. I wished that people would do the right thing. Well, now was my chance to do what I had wished that other people would do. My chance to do what I had promised myself I would do if I had the chance. God gave me the opportunity to love my neighbor as myself. I should have jumped at the opportunity with excitement. But no, I needed an attitude adjustment.

Today in chapel they read a book by Max Lucado. I think it was called Jacob's gift. The main point of the book was in the line, "When you give a gift to one of God's children it is as if you have given a gift to God himself."

We have the privilege and the responsibility to give gifts to God in a variety of ways.

It’s the last day of November and what am I thankful for? I’m thankful that God kept me from saying no, which I know I would have regretted. I’m thankful that God continues to give me opportunities to serve him even when I blow it. I’m thankful that God continues to teach me about his amazing Love.

So I went to the airport. It wasn’t that bad. It was even a little fun. Eric paid for gas and even bought me dinner. And I got back with plenty of time left to do nothing. My only regret is that I didn’t immediately say, ”Yes, I’ll go.”

note: As i was posting this (at work), they presented the "Above and Beyond the Call of Duty" award to a girl who almost always has a smile on her face, she actually does care about people and never makes people feel like they are a burden to her. Stacy rocks!

prayd4uth

youth went well. i'm a good teacher. i amazed myself. i think it was good because i prayed first and asked God to teach through me. the whole day was better cuz i prayed more. prayer is good. i should do it more often.

thanksgiving

So, for thanksgiving i went to kansas to my gramma's and my uncle's. My uncle Mark cooked most of the food and it was the best thanksgiving meal ever. I got to see my cool brother. My dad came back down to Texas with me for a couple of days. Last night we went to chili's and got chips and queso, then we went to Carino's and used our free desert coupon. Joy and i had capuccinos dad had a latte and we all had a desert called cannoli. it was different but yummy. tonight i get to teach the youth group about abraham. well, that's all for now.

Joseph Sandwich

This week's Torah portion is Genesis 37-40. Like most of the rest of the book of Genesis, it's all about Joseph, except for chapter 38. Chapter 37 ends with Joseph being sold to Potiphar and chapter 39 picks up with Joseph in Potiphar's house, but chapter 38 is stuck in there and it's all about Judah and his sons and his daughter in law and craziness. But out of the whole incident Perez and Zerah end up being born. Perez is an ancestor of David and therefore of Messiah. So this is a pretty important incident. I just wonder why it's stuck right where it is in the middle of Joseph entering Potiphar's house.

If anyone's reading my blog say "I"

HTDAAB

NEW U2 CD COMES OUT TOMORROW!!!

That news was enough to make this bad day good.

spisical

This week's Torah portion will be Genesis 32:3 - 36:43.

Now I'm going to talk a little about this last week's portion and respond to Anonymous's comment in "l-i-v-e e-t-e-r-n-a-l-l-y"

Jacob has a dream and sees angels ascending and descending on a ladder connecting heaven and earth.

So, angels, are they physical or spiritual? Spiritual, but they have physical attributes. They can be seen and heard. They can touch things. What kind of body does God have? Do we know? He is spirit. But is that all? Was Jesus any less God by having a physical body? Or should we accept the heresy that he only seemed physical?

I am not saying that we are going to be resurrected and be exactly the way we are now. No, we will be changed. Imperfect will become perfect. But must we be changed into something so radically different from how we were originally created? God created the physical world and called it good. Gnosticism calls the spiritual good and the physical bad. Buddhism seeks release from the confines of the physical. But the ladder connecting heaven and earth, Jesus, walked the earth as a physical person, died a physical death, and was physically resurrected.

What do we know? How does one divide between the physical and spiritual? Is breath physical or spiritual? Are words physical or spiritual? Thoughts, emotions, love, greed... physical or spiritual?

sigh

i have a little bit of time now, except actually i still have a bunch of stuff i should be doing. so, my little bro is a talented star. he's warbucks in Annie. but i cant see it cus im down in texas and he's in colorado. man im tired.

l-i-v-e e-t-e-r-n-a-l-l-y

This week's Torah portion will be Genesis 28:10-32:2.

I'll probably write something about it later. But now I'm going to talk about a different topic that relates to what I wrote a few posts ago.

When Jesus was resurrected was he a ghost or did he have a physical body?
When we're all resurrected, is it going to be a physical resurrection? Does it matter? Or does it affect how we live now whether we are looking forward to a physical or a non-physical future? Why is there a physical world?

Is heaven a place where we bask in God’s goodness in an entirely spiritual realm and feel happy and awed all of the time? Is that what we were created for?

It seems that Adam and Eve were supposed to live eternally on the earth. Adam’s job was to cultivate and keep the garden (Gen 2:15), and to rule over the animals (Gen 1:26), and to have offspring (Gen 1:28). After the fall, it got harder to work the land (Gen 3:17-19). So before the fall, we may assume, it was easier than it is now to be a farmer. But that’s what Adam was created to be. What if Adam had not sinned? What if "the fall" had never happened? What if they had never died? Would God have, at some point, turned them into spiritual, non-physical beings and taken them to live forever in heaven?

God created a physical world. And he created man a physical being. So why do we think that our ultimate destiny is completely non-physical?

Maybe heaven is a place of nothing but worship, but not the kind of worship that is singing and soaking in the divine glow. Maybe it’s the kind of worship that is a life of living, gardening, and working with God.

What if, as you were dying, you heard God whisper in your ear, “I’m proud of you. You completed your mission. I made you to do a certain thing and you did it. Good job. Now you’re done. Totally finished. There’s nothing more after this.” Would you be satisfied that you had done what God wanted? Or would you feel cheated that you don’t get more of a reward besides God saying, “good job”? Should you feel satisfied with that? Or are we supposed to desire something more?

Maybe the something more that we desire isn’t to lazily pass our days in paradise, but to work with God in something purposeful.

If we were created to worship God, do we have the right idea of what worship is?
We are left on the earth for a reason. We are not to just worship God hiding in a corner being super spiritual. We are to get dirty and serve. We need to be who we are supposed to be - beings created in God’s image – dynamic and creative, not serene and boring.

two sides of the same coin?

The knowledge of good and evil or rather our tendency to distinguish them is a corruption. As beings who would see from the proper perspective, we would not be so obsessed with that distinction. Famine, rain, light and dark all come from God. What we would consider good or evil all find their ultimate source in God. Satan is not God's arch-rival, but as we see in Job, he is the accuser, a servant of God who tests and tempts humans. Judas, whom we would classify in the evil category, should not be so classified since he was a tool to bring about God's will. The crucifixion, was it good or bad? It was bad in that it was the murder of the Righteous One. But ultimately it is viewed as a good thing. Fast forward. Civil War- good or bad? many died, but the slaves were freed. What if things that we view as bad are really accomplishing God's purpose such as judgement or making his people stronger. Maybe the problem of the Fall in the Garden was that the Human's view of the world became split into seeing good and evil, instead of seeing everything the way we should, as coming from God.

Do you agree or disagree?

Israel and Edom

Jacob and Esau both had alternate names.
Jacob got his name changed to Israel because he wrestled with God and wouldn't quit until he received a blessing, even though he got tired and injured.
Esau was called Edom, which means red, not because he had red hair, but because of how much he wanted some "red stuff."
When Esau asked for some of that red stuff that Jacob was cooking and Jacob told him give me your birthright first, Esau's response was, "I'm gonna die, what do i need my invisible birthright for?"
Jacob was concerned with getting things that matter. Esau just wanted whatever he felt like at the moment. Edom’s philosophy was, “eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.” The descendants of Israel have a different approach to the immanence of death with the phrase, “repent one day before you die.”

So later when they go to Isaac to get their blessings and the whole famous thing happens, Esau gets really mad. He had earlier freely given up his rightful blessing, but now he was mad because he saw that Jacob had it. How childish. I don’t want it, but you cant have it.

As it says in Galatians 6 each one should test his own actions without comparing himself to someone else.

This week's Torah portion is Genesis 25:19-28:9. It's all about Jacob and Esau.

I've got a pondering question. In 25:23 Rabekah is told that her older son will serve the younger, but then in chapter 27 she feels the need to make this prophecy come true, so she plots the famous deception with the goat hair on Jacob's arms and everything. Isaac, in 27:29, blesses Jacob that Esau (the older) would serve Jacob (the younger). Now, what if Rabekah had not orchestrated the plan that got Jacob blessed? What if Esau had come in and brought the soup to Isaac? Would Esau have gotten the blessing that Isaac gave Jacob? Was all of this trickery already taken into acount when the prophecy was made in chapter 25? Could the chapter 25 prophecy have still been fulfilled if all of this deception had not taken place?

physically comment

I haven't posted a real post for a while. I guess I've been busy.

I don't remember what started it, but lately I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading about the traditional Christian understanding of heaven, and also about the similarities among certain branches of Buddhism, Gnosticism, and Jewish Mysticism and certain traditional Christian philosophies regarding the physical vs. the spiritual.

Does our ultimate goal or destiny require becoming completely non-physical?
Do we sin primarily because we are physical beings in a physical world?
Is it our future hope that we join God in spiritual bliss free from the confines of physicality?

Feel free to comment. I have fixed it up so that you don't even have to sign in. When the sign in screen pops up, you can click "Or Post Anonymously"

rant

i'm sick. im tired. the snot in my head is giving me a head-ache. i'm just going to whine about stuff now. why do people say "bless you" after somebody sneezes. it doesn't make any sense to me. the most logical explanation i've heard about why people say that was from Milhouse on The Simpsons, "when you sneeze, that's your soul trying to escape. Then when people say 'bless you' it shoves your soul back in." (or something like that). a jewish woman i know says a yiddish phrase when people sneeze and it means something like, "may you have good health." so i guess it might make some sense if people saying "bless you" mean "may you be blessed with health." but i dont think that's what they mean. whatever.

the election is a big thing now. people are checking the polls every few minutes. why? just wait till the votes are in and find out who won. why does it matter that you know who's ahead by how much when it could all change in a couple of hours?

i'll stop now.

this week

This week's Torah portion is Genesis 23:1-25:18.

worship

When it comes to worship in a church service, different people have different tastes in the style of music. They will not sing along unless the song is in their style. For me, I only sing along if I agree with the theology of the words. Words, whether they are audible or visual, are symbols representing our thoughts and emotions. They are a partial means of communication, because we cannot fully express ourselves through words. This is especially true in worship. We cannot even inwardly, invisibly, inaudibly, fully comprehend or feel the whole essence of how great God is. How much more impossible it is to try to express that greatness in feeble words. But that is what we do. And we ought to. In the way we live our lives we should be showing by our actions and attitude how great God is. But there’s something powerful about words. The world is created by words from God. The Constitution that holds America together is words. The court system is words: testimonies, arguments, verdicts. The words we say have the power to build up or tear others down in our eyes, in the eyes of others, and in their own eyes. We can speak truth or lies and bring peace and life or destruction and death. Words are so weak yet so powerful.

Now that I’ve said all that, some of the most emotional and intimate times I have with God in musical type worship are when I’m walking around outside making up a tune and singing la la la dun dun mm mm na na or in the midst of an instrumental interlude during a service when the guitarist, drummer, and keyboardist are just worshipping God with their hands.

daring

This week's Torah portion is Genesis 18-22.
It contains Abraham's pleading for Sodom and Gomorrah, and the binding of Isaac.

Shema (part 4)

The final paragraph

Numbers 15:37-41, “And LORD spoke to Moses saying, ‘Speak to the children of Israel and say to them that they are to make themselves tzitzit [tassels] on the corners of their garments, throughout their generations. And they are to place upon the tzitzit of each corner a dark blue thread. And it shall constitute tzitzit for you, that you may see it and remember all the commandments of LORD and perform them; and not explore after your heart and after your eyes after which you stray. So that you may remember and perform all my commandments; and be holy to your God. I am LORD, your God, who has removed you from the land of Egypt to be a God to you, I am LORD your God.’”

This paragraph I understand as being literal, not figurative. This is because tzitzit are actual objects that you can attach to your garments. And they have the stated purpose that they are to be seen and they will remind you of the commandments. The passages that I interpreted as figurative did not describe an object to tie to your hand and head; the passages said that you are to tie the commands themselves to your hand and head. The commands are spoken words requiring actions, they are not objects, unless you claim that the written words are what he’s referring to, which would mean that you have to tie the entire bible (or the original stones or scrolls) to your hand and forehead. However, though the tzitzit are actual objects that you can see, they are also symbols.

The Hebrew word translated as corners is “kanaph.” In the rest of the Bible it is translated as wings. For instance Malachi 4:2 says, “the sun of righteousness will arise with healing in his wings.” Now look at Matt 9:20, 14:36. The woman with the issue of blood as well as many others may have been healed when they touched Jesus’ tzitzit.

The tassels represent the commands of God and are a reminder of the holiness of his people. The dark blue thread can be seen as a picture of Messiah. According to the only tradition we know of for making tzitzit, the blue thread is doubled over and wrapped around the other threads, so it looks like two blue threads. We can understand this as representing the two comings of the Messiah. The blue thread can also be seen as the two greatest commands, the first of which is contained in the first paragraph of the Shema, “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength” and the second is similar, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Just as the blue thread wraps around all the other threads, these two commands, which are in essence one command, hold together all the other commandments.

I find it interesting that the tzitzit are made to be seen and their purpose is to prevent you from straying after your eyes. Also note that both the wearer and the others around see them. They surround the person who wears them.

The purpose of the tzitzit is twice stated as so that you will remember and perform LORD’s commandments. The first time this is followed with the idea of not straying and following your own desires, the second time it is followed with the idea of being holy to LORD. So being holy is paralleled with not following your own desires. Most of us know that following our eyes can often lead to sin, but we are often told to follow our hearts; but our hearts are deceptive and can lead us into sin. We must be holy (which means separate, unique, and distinct.) and follow God’s desires, his Word, his commands.

Shema (part 3)

Paragraph 2

Deuteronomy 11:13-21, “It shall come to pass that if you listen obediently to my commandments which I am commanding you today, to love LORD your God and to serve Him with all your heart and all your soul, that I will give the rain for your land in its proper time, the early and late rain, that you may gather in your grain and your new wine and your oil. I will give grass in your fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied. Beware that your hearts are not deceived and that you do not turn away and serve other gods and worship them. Or the anger of LORD will be kindled against you, and he will shut up the heavens so that there will be no rain and the ground will not yield its fruit; and you will perish quickly from the good land which LORD is giving you. You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as the heavens above the earth.”

There are a few things I want to draw out of this paragraph:

Here we see that there definitely is a command to love God. Also, I recently found out that the perfect mood could carry the force of a command. So “you shall love” (as well as the other perfect mood phrases) may be understood as both a prophecy and a command or as either one or the other.
God’s words are to be on our heart and soul. One of the stated duties of the priests was to teach the law to people. But this paragraph is not written only to priests. All of God’s people are to study and teach the Word of God. Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. God’s Word is to be our sustenance. His Word is life. How high is our view of the very words of God?

This paragraph contains to imperative command to take head to not be deceived, which would result in turning away, serving and worshipping false gods. Deception does not usually come in loud obvious ways. Deception seems harmless and even good, but it turns your focus away from LORD, when you focus on something worthless and put your energy into it, you begin in a sense worshipping and serving falsehood.
The Israelites could have been fooled into thinking that the forces of nature were in control. They might see the superstitious practices of their pagan neighbors as harmless. But those fun little seasonal activities would lead them down the slippery slope of focusing on rules that people came up with instead of what God had already told them.

If you’re not a farmer, then you probably don’t care whether it rains or not. You might actually prefer that it doesn’t rain. In America, we don’t really worry about famine. We can easily become content and feel like everything’s okay and it’s going to stay that way. But God is in control of nature and kingdoms. And no matter how hard you work the ground and no matter how sweet of a trade deal you have with other countries, God is the source of life and sustenance. At any time our whole world could be turned up side down. It is on God that we must depend, not on our government, not on our employers, not on our education.

... - - - ...

What is with this world? People looking down on other people because of the color of their skin. Kids running off and seeking refuge with sexual predators. One man throws money in the trash while a starving child digs through the dump to provide for her family. But the world’s not all depressing. Everything’s not unfair. There’s just so much I don’t understand. Why do I criticize others for my faults? Why do I do what I know is wrong? Why don’t I do what I know is right? God is so un-understandable. Ultimately he’s in control. But somehow in all this meaningless we find our meaning. Sometimes I think that I would be willing to give up my freedom and the feeling that my life is mine in order to have a better world. But that would leave us feeling empty. We find satisfaction in making the world a little bit better. When I overcome everything within me that pulls me toward complacency and evil and I choose to act and make the world that I can see perfect for a moment, that is awesome.

Avram

This week's Torah portion is Genesis 12-17.
It's the beginning of the life of Abram/Abraham, a man of faith.

Vanishing

[This post is from my other blog]

So far I’ve been writing about things that happened yesterday or the day before. Well, yesterday I went to check one of my email accounts. This account was my first ever email account. I’m one of those sentimental type people. I keep almost all of my emails. A few times I have gone back and read through a bunch of old emails and felt happy and sad and stuff as I see my past friendships evolve and I realize that I am no longer friends with most of my friends from high school. So, yesterday I went to check my oldest of email accounts and it was totally blank. All those old emails are gone. Now, I would expect that I would have been terribly saddened, but I wasn’t. I just kind of went “hm”. I was a little disappointed, but mostly confused as to why they all suddenly vanished. But there was and still is no great feeling of loss. They were just emails. To read them would bring up old memories. But the memories are in my mind. If I need to remember them I will. If something else triggers memories, they will be triggered. But I don’t need those reminders of past relationships. I have today and that is really all I have. I can’t relive the past no matter how hard I try. Have you ever had the experience when you go back to your old school or church or you drive by your old house and it just doesn’t feel quite as good as you remember it feeling. It feels different. Yet, we try to recapture good feelings from the past and we try to create better feelings for the future. But the way to have a better future is by making the present better.
(was that sappy enough for y’all?)

Shema (part 2)

So the shema begins with Deuteronomy 6:4, then there’s an insertion of a blessing regarding the Kingdom of God/heaven (the focus of most of Jesus’ teaching), then the first of the three paragraphs of the shema. This first paragraph is Deuteronomy 6:5-9.

“You shall love LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

This paragraph is called “v’ahavta.”
The “v” means “and.”
“ahavta” is a conjugated form of the verb for “love.”
It is in the perfect mood, which represents a completed action. So it must be understood either as past tense or as a promise/prophecy. In this context it is not saying you have loved. So since the phrase “You shall love” is not in the imperative mood meaning a command, as is the word “shema,” it seems that it is to be understood as a promise that you indeed will love God. The “v”/”and” connects it with the command to shema. Thus you are commanded to shema (hear/obey) LORD alone, and as a result you will love him. So this paragraph is a picture of the resulting lifestyle of the one who hears and obeys God the king.

“heart” refers to emotions and intellect. So when the Gospels include mind in the list it’s OK because it is implied in the Hebrew understanding of heart.

“soul” (nephesh) refers to the essence of life, the life force, the whole being of a person.

“strength” refers not only to the physical body, but could also be translated as resources, or everything you have, your possessions, your wealth.

“You shall teach” is also in the perfect mood. So it is not a command, but a promise. Teaching the words that God commands is what you do when you shema.

The binding and writing are also in the perfect mood.
Verses 8 could refer to the literal use of tefillin or phylacteries, but it can very easily be understood as metaphorical. Here are the main words of the verse and some of their possible meanings:
Bind = bring together, conspire, tie
Sign = remembrance, warning, mark
On = upon, against, beyond, over
Hand = repetition, time, strength, power, physical hand
Frontlets = (a rare word. root means to go around or bind)
Between = (root means discernment and insight)
Eyes = mental and spiritual faculties, physical eye, fountain or spring of water
This and three other verses are used to support the tradition of tefillin. Deut 11:13-21 is very similar to this passage. But Exodus 13:1-10 and 13:11-16 demonstrate the figurative nature of this phrase when the Feast of Unleavened Bread and the consecration of the firstborn are signs on your hand and memorials and frontlets between your eyes.

Verse 9 is used to support the use of mezuzahs. The words seem to be more literal but could also be understood as metaphorical.
Write = describe
Posts = the obvious, noticeable parts
House = family, inside
Gates = entrances, openings, public places

No rants today; just a big long explanation.

Youth, Poetry, Quizno's

[This post is originally from my other blog]

yesterday i was gonna post about how sunday i went with joy (my wonderful girlfriend) to a youth leaders conference. she went to it all weekend. i only went to it on sunday. i sneaked in, cuz i wasn't really supposed to be there. but it was way fun and about as dumb as i expected. there was a guy with puppets and a guy who did magical tricks. but i wasn't impressed because reggie at school does way cooler tricks. reggie is in my group in history and systems of psychology. that class is a whole story itself. so there was worship with big name bands and the words on four big connected screens with moving pictures in the background of the words. and there were lots of different colored lights on the stage and all kinds of stuff. so then i went to a seminar and learned the differences between boys and girls. and i also learned that mentoring is a good thing. jars of clay played music. the lead singer has long hair. the high point was that peter nevland and paul finley performend. but they only did two songs. for lunch we went to quizno's and it was quite disappointing. fast food restaurants in urban areas are not so fun because they usually feel very unsanitary. and this food wasn't even very fast. there was one poor little girl working. she had to take orders and make the food and everything all by herself. so, that's all.

rainbow

This week people around the world (mostly Jews) are studying Gen 6:9-11:32.
Every week we study a different section of the Torah. So we read the entire Torah once each year.
Last night i had a dream about a rainbow.

Shema (part I)

The Shema (Part I)

It is commonly referred to as, “the Jewish statement of faith.” The first part of the shema is two lines. The most common English translation is, “Hear O Israel, the LORD our God, the LORD is one. Blessed is the name of his glorious kingdom for ever and ever.” The rabbis have taught that when a person says the shema, he or she is accepting the kingdom of God upon themselves. In other words, they accept God’s sovereign reign in their life.

The word “shema” is generally translated as “hear” but, as with most Hebrew words, there is much more meaning. The word “shema” implies more than just physical hearing with the ears, it also implies understanding as well as listening with the intent to obey what is spoken. So “Shema Israel” means “These are the facts: The LORD is our God and the LORD is King. Now live out this Truth.” The rest of the shema (a somewhat lengthy recitation to say three times a day) elaborates on how to carry this out.

Too often we are too shallow (I am so guilty of this) and we are afraid to go deep. I’m not talking about some mystical spiritual depth. I mean the real meaning of shema. The depth of doing. Too often we are hearers only. We look into the mirror of the Word, see ourselves as we really are, and then go about our day business as usual.

begin rant
OK so, here’s what I don’t understand. There are Christians who study Jewish stuff and know about the torah and festivals and use Jewish words and do Jewish dances. They study the Jewishness of Jesus and know that he kept the torah and taught like a Jewish rabbi.

It’s like they hear, “Jesus was a torah observant Jew” and they understand, “the torah should be the foundation of a faith in Jesus” but they don’t take the next step and obey the Word of God. They enjoy all the external “Jewish stuff” but they don’t do the things that God actually commanded.

I’m not talking about people who think that Jesus started a new religion. I’m talking about the ones who realize that faith in the Messiah is a continuation of the faith of the people of Israel (not the religion of Judaism. There’s a difference.), yet they deny the expression of that faith, which is in obeying God’s instruction (tora).
end rant

At the beginning of the “sermon on the mount” Jesus said that he came not to abolish the law but to fulfill it. In Jesus’ day, the words abolish and fulfill, in reference to torah, meant correct and incorrect interpretation of torah. So after giving his teaching on how to understand the law, Jesus concludes with the story of the wise and foolish builders. The foolish man who built his house on rock represented the person who heard Jesus’ teaching and did not put it into practice. The wise man is the one who truly did shema.

First Post

so this "blog" is my chance to show everyone how wonderful and smart i am. "j/k" Actually, i want this to be more of a theological type discussion type thing. (i have another more personal blog). I definitely want lots of comments. Tell me if you especially like a certain thing that I wrote. And feel free to add your own sermonette as a comment. You might not agree with a lot of what I have to say. Please tell me that you disagree and tell me why. Talk to each other in the comments. whatever. Let's have some fun.

old school journal 3.27.04

this last week i learned about humility (much more than what i have written). my goal for this coming week is to do exactly what God wants for me to do. a big part of humility is realizing who you are in relation to God; and basically knowing your role, not trying to be someone greater or less than you are, but being one piece of the cosmic puzzle that fits where it is supposed to fit.

since i was very young, i've felt a sense of mission. i was a smart, rational kid. i reasoned, "i'm saved. now i get to go to heaven. that's pretty much what i've been told. but there's more to it; otherwise, the moment i prayed that prayer, God would have taken me up to heaven. but he left me on earth for a reason. i must be left here to tell other people about salvation, so that they can pray that prayer and tell others and so on and then eventually we'll all go to heaven." over time i have realized that, while "witnessing" is important, we are left on earth for a far greater reason. we are here to live. my job is not just to try and get myself and a bunch of people to heaven. the real purpose of living is to bring a piece of heaven to earth. and well, as a result of that taste of heaven, people will be hungry for more.

so anyways, i want to do my specific part that God has for me and no one else. the piece of heaven that only i can show to people.

old school journal 3.24.04

i haven't been doing much on the site lately because it's so frustrating. it's tough to log-on, and then it doesn't save. i think it's the computers here, because it's kindof the same with my email.

ok so i've been studying this week's parshah and i've been amazed at how much i'm getting out of it. it is the first 5 chapters of Leviticus, about the sacrifices and stuff. last year i learned all about how they were done and everything. it was like woopee, but what does that mean for me? this year i'm seeing the symbolism and the driving force behind the sacrifices. it's so cool!

the theme that's being hit home to me is humility and dignity. one thing that has made humility such a difficult concept is that i focused on humility within myself. the idea that "i need to be more humble within myself". but humility is toward God. it's not so much about making yourself less, but making others more.

our weakness shows God's strength more clearly. but we must also remember our own worth. when we think that we are so insignificant that it doesn't matter what we do, then we don't think it matters what we do, so we do anything. but knowing our worth, we know that what we do matters, and we seek to advance God's kingdom with our actions. it's the same with prayer. if we think our prayers don't matter, we wont pray.

God has chosen for us to be a pivotal part of his plan. Adam in his pride tried to grasp for godliness, (your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil) and was disobedient, but we are to be like Christ who did not consider godliness something to be grasped but made himself a servant and he was obedient. we must be obedient knowing our proper place in the sceme of things, that we are not insignificant, but we are not the greatest.

old school journal 3.10.04

why? i started off so well. i had a plan, a strategy, a schedule. and yet i am in the middle of writing 23 pages in 32 hours. what is it that causes me to procrastinate even when i give myself a head start. o well. i'll survive. gotta go.

-------

i'm back. i'm at work, and i had to actually do something. so this afternoon i am going to take a nap. then later i'm going to my girlfriend, joy's birthday party. wahoo!
ok that's all for now.

old school journal 3.5.04

yesterday it rained and stormed. today it's bright and sunny and it's supposed to stay this way for a week. a week from today i'll be on spring break. yesterday i was in the library during the storm. i went into the achievement center to work. nobody came in for tutoring. all the tutors sat in silence for an hour. then at quitting time we all got up and left. during the storm, i decided to go take a look outside. it was crazy wet and windy. the window doors were kinda fogged up, so i decided to open the door and get a better looked. i cracked the door and was instantly soaked. buckets of rain were blown in on me. it literally felt like a shower, and not one of those low pressure shower heads. by the end of work it was bright and sunny.

old school journal 3.3.04

so a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. the sun came out. i got a girlfriend. she's the coolest girl ever. people have been talking a lot about revival at school. the passion is in theaters. it's raining.

old school journal 2.14.04

it snowed!

that's right. this morning i woke up and looked out my window and saw white. we got like a good 2 inches of wet snow. people were making snow-persons this morning. so now pretty much all the snow is off of the ground.

one of the snow-persons this morning had a plank through it's eye. what a hypocritical sinning snowman.

old school journal 2.9.04

wow it's been a while since my last "entry"

well, yesterday i went to a presbyterian church.

the outside was as big and impressive as the baptist church. there were little "altar girls" standing at the huge wooden doors handing out the bulletins/programs that would be our much needed guide for the service.

we went into the tall sanctuary with many arches and stained glass windows. the top half of the front wall had this really cool looking wooden thing. it was a bunch of arches and designs carved into one big arch, sort of like a big shield. i know i'm not describing it very well. sorry.

the choir had on red robes with a cross on the collar, the bell choir wore the same robes, but also had white gloves. the pastor had on a blue robe and when he came out he looked angry and disapproving. he kept that expression through most of the service.

the "altar girls" walked up the center aisle and lit the candles that were in front of the pulpit.

the choir sang. the bell choir played amazing grace. it sounded lovely. we sang a couple hymns. the only instruments were an organ and a trumpet. there was a prayer that the congregation prayed from the bulletin about how sinful we were. then the pastor said that we were forgiven. there were more songs and prayers, a couple of scripture readings, and the apostle's creed. and there was a short, boring, sometimes confusing sermon about not worrying. and a couple more songs and then we exited the sanctuary to the tune of the postlude titled "postludium".

as we went back out the huge wooden doors, the pastor shook our hands and asked our names. he was the first person to talk to us since the "altar girls" when we entered, and i think they were actually talking to each other.

old school journal 1.25.04

today i went to a baptist church. the outside is like a castle. i got lost on the inside. there are all these halls and stairs and an elevator. but the people were very friendly and helpful. in the sanctuary, there were big ole organ pipes on the walls. and stained glass windows with scenes of jesus all around the tops of the walls. in front there was i big icon of jesus being baptized by john. there was a lot of standing and sitting. and no clapping. it was different from what i'm used to, but it wasn't all that weird. i'll be going to a presbyterian church in two weeks. then later a catholic church, and possibly one sunday a gay church. stay tuned.

old school journal 1.23.04

my work is done. the achievement center is a really cool place to work. after i got off of work, i did some errands (it's spelled right), then i came home and did laundry and dishes. i'm ready for rest.

for those of you who dont know, i observe the sabbath. i have been doing so for almost a year now. and it is a delight. friday is preperation day. get all the loose ends tied up and make sure everything's ready for the sabbath. all the extra work i did makes the rest all that much more restful.

sometimes i wonder, why havent i always done this?!? i vaguely remember thinking that it would be a burden to keep the sabbath. but when i try to remember why... a burden? a hard thing? rest is difficult? what was i thinking? yes it does take preparation, some thinking ahead, and there are sacrifices. i may have to settle for less money at work, there are some things i might not be involved in that i would enjoy. but there's more to life than money and pleasure.

i used to think, "what's the point of only keeping one day a week holy? i can make seven days holy. and what's so unholy about work?" but it is a day set apart where you focus completely on God. today, while i was doing the dishes i was praying and thinking about God, but my mind was going between two things- dishes and God. tomorrow i can be more focused on him.

the other day i read the official A/G perspective on observing the sabbath. i was surprised to see that they say we should keep the sabbath. but they modify it and suggest keeping it on sunday and not on the sabbath. i'm not going to follow that rabbit trail right now. but i probably will write about it some other time.

on another topic, i have started writing a "to-do list" the last couple of weeks. i highly recomend doing this. it helps me get things done. and i feel like i've accomplished stuff, because i can look at the paper and see all that stuff marked off.

the sun's about to go down. so, as my roomate ben might say, "shalom"

old school journal 1.21.04

today at work i helped my first student! the first sessions are mainly about time management and organization. then we move on to study strategies, test taking, and writing. this semester a lot of it is going to just be working with students on their tougher subjects.

so i went in for an hour this morning. pretty boring. did a couple errands (is that how you spell it?). then this afternoon i came in and there was again nothing to do. so i got trained some more. this time the training was more in-depth. what to do with the student each week, step by step. so as i was being trained a couple of students came in and i got to work with one.

the student basically did everything and i just watched. but i still felt very important.

yes, when students are making all A's, i will know that it is mostly because i sat there and watched them write their assignments in their planners. good for me.

old school journal 1.18.04

im still hyped from the skillet concert friday night. we got there two hours early and snuk in the side door. there were already some saguians in there. we chilled with the band for a while (sort of). then we had to go outside and stand in line for like twenty minutes to get back in.

a few local bands opened. they were mostly not too bad.

but then skillet played. they rocked the house. the packed house. almost sold out. they didn't play many of the classics. the oldest song they played was from their second album. i gotta say the moshing was crazy. and the people that were banging into each other were all so friendly. good times.

after the show i got to meet one of the original skillet band members, who are no longer in the band. he was there just hanging out. cool stuff.

one of my roommates is out of town today. i dont see or hang out with my roommates much. when im in the apartment, i'm usually in my room working on something or sleeping. otherwise i'm not in my room. i'm in classes, the library, cafeteria, or doing something. my roommates are cool though.

with four people sharing the apartment, it's surprisingly easy to wash my clothes. the machine is not often ocupado. i hear that there are people who only wash their clothes a couple times a semester. cool for them.

old school journal 1.15.04

it's a beautiful day.
the ground is moist the sky is grey. the coffee place smells like coffee. the stray cat is banished from campus.

work today was a blast and a half. i only had to go in an hour for "training." i still have no idea what i'm doing. i'm supposed to teach these study skills to students, but i dont even know what the skills are. well, good thing i'm pretty good at wingin it.

i'm feeling extra diligent this semester. i'm organized and motivated. i could just tackle my research papers right away. and i'm thinking i better do just that. this motivation is bound to wear off.

tomorrow night -Skillet concert at The Door. i'm excited.

next week, my greek proff, dr. paul alexander will be at a conference in malta. (yes, that's the island where paul shipwrecked).

time for dinner

"what have you done for him lately"

old school journal 1.14.04

this morning i woke up and i noticed that it seemed really dark. and the clock said it was late enough that it should be light out. and so i got ready for the day and stepped outside and it was so stinkin foggy. i couldn't even see any of the enormous buildings on campus. i felt my way to the cafeteria and had breakfast. the applesauce was extra cinnamony today.

i had my first class today. yay!

i start work tomorrow at the achievement center. i had orientation for this job on monday. i will be a tutor. so that means i get to feel smart. i will have to be confidential just like in counseling, because some people dont want other people to know they are getting help at the achievement center. but all kinds of people go to the achievement center for many various reasons. even over-achievers can achieve a little more. so you should stop on by and somebody will help you. and i wont be allowed to tell anybody. and another policy they have there is that i am not allowed to do any tutoring outside of work. period. so if you want me to help you with a paper, you have to schedule an appointment at the AC.

today, president bridges described a bad dude that he sat next to on a plane. it could have been me. i have worn a piece or two of fubu clothing, i listen to loud music loudly, and i may someday read the communist manifesto.

in conclusion: be salt and light.

old school journal 1.11.04

im back at SAofGU a.k.a. southwesternassembliesofgoduniversity. i got back last night. boy was i tired. a couple of people called me when i got here. it made me feel welcome. it's good to be back. i ate in the cafeteria today. the food was pretty good. everybody's all happy today. we're all glad to see our friends again. yippy la la. smile smile. cool stuff.

so i have two new roomates this semester, phil and joe. i walked into the apartment last night and there they were watching football. and there was a big ole couch infront of my bedroom door. so i walked around it and went into my room to find ben watching "finding nemo" (good movie). so i watched the end of the movie with him and went to sleep. a full 8 hours. so nice.

so i'm glad to be back in waxahachie. i wonder what will happen this semester.

old school journal 1.5.04

today is my brother's birthday! yay!

so this week i'm working, and next week i'll be back in texas at school.

old school journal 1.3.04

it snowed! it's been snowing since last night and it snowed all day. the last time it snowed was the night i got here and it was only a few inches. but now it's snowy and cold and the roads are slippery. yipee!