i turned in my practicum stuff yesterday. it wasn't the greatest quality, but whatever. i'm done. i slept 1.5 hrs tuesday night. joy bought me a dr. pepper to help me stay up all night. she's so sweet. i slept all last night, but i still feel really tired. so i'm gonna take an hour and a half nap after i post this. then it's off to work.
i thought wasabi peas were great. but tuesday i discovered wasabi soynuts! rock on!
i still need to get an apartment. i dont want to be homeless after i graduate.
i'm finding leviticus 19 very interesting. i hypothesize and theorize that it is composed of sections separated by the phrase "I am the LORD." and each section has a theme, even if the commands seem unrelated. i.e. the first section - Respect mom and dad, and observe God's sabbaths. They may seem unrelated, but i think they're related.
Today is the fifth day of the week. the day that God made the birds and fishes.
coming soon: Hebrew lessons!
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
simmer
I've been so allergyish for I don't know how long now. Sneezing and snot and Benadryl are just a part of my life nowadays. I'm going to be working on my practicum files for the next few days, because I've been procrastinating like crazy. So I'm a little stressed. And I need to get an apartment, so I'm pretty stressed. But soon I will be a form of free. Blog ya later.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Pope, Passover, Pentecost
Yesterday, the German Cardinal, Joseph Ratzinger, was elected to be the new pope. He will be known as Pope Benedict XVI. He will be "formally installed" as pope on Sunday, April 24.
That just happens to be the same day that Orthodox Jews will be celebrating Passover (a month late).
Today is the 25th day of the omer count which means we're halfway to "Pentecost" (Hebrew: "Shavuot" The Feast of Weeks). Traditionally, at Shavuot, Jews celebrate the giving of the Torah at Mt. Sinai. As believers in Jesus we also celebrate the giving of the Holy Spirit at Jerusalem. Just as Passover contains parallels between the exodus and crucifixion, so at Shavuot we see parallels between the giving of the Torah and of the Holy Spirit. I'll write more about those parallels as we get closer to Pentecost. For now have quick read of Exodus 19 and Acts 2.
That just happens to be the same day that Orthodox Jews will be celebrating Passover (a month late).
Today is the 25th day of the omer count which means we're halfway to "Pentecost" (Hebrew: "Shavuot" The Feast of Weeks). Traditionally, at Shavuot, Jews celebrate the giving of the Torah at Mt. Sinai. As believers in Jesus we also celebrate the giving of the Holy Spirit at Jerusalem. Just as Passover contains parallels between the exodus and crucifixion, so at Shavuot we see parallels between the giving of the Torah and of the Holy Spirit. I'll write more about those parallels as we get closer to Pentecost. For now have quick read of Exodus 19 and Acts 2.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
This Week In Leviticus
Time
This week's Torah portion starts with a reminder of Aaron's sons that died. Aaron is then warned that he must not go into the sanctuary any time he feels like it. This gives more weight to the possibility that Nadab and Abihu were killed for going in at the wrong time.
There is such a thing as holy time. When God declares something about a day, his declaration is true. Our timing ought to line up with God's timing.
The tenth day of the seventh month is Yom Kippur, Day of Atonement. That day is unique/holy to God. The priests might want to do a good thing, but if they did it at the wrong time it was trouble.
The seventh day of each week is also holy time. Working is a good thing. But not on the Sabbath. God said so.
Misunderstanding
I've heard it taught that the High Priest had bells on the bottom of his robe and when he went into the Holy of Holies on Yom Kippur they would tie a rope around his foot and if the bells stopped ringing they knew he was dead and would pull him out.
Not true. The High Priest's ephod did have bells along the hem. But the one day that he would remove that ephod was on Yom Kippur. When he went into the Holy of Holies, he wore a plain linen tunic, the standard dress for any priest.
Read Leviticus 16:4,24. Have you heard the rope and bells story before?
Acts 15
This week's torah portion contains the source of the prohibitions in Acts 15.
Lev. 17:1-9 says that sacrifices needed to be brought to the Tabernacle (later the Temple) so that they wouldn't be eating sacrifices to false gods/idols.
Lev. 17:10-14 prohibits eating blood.
Lev. 17:15 prohibits eating animals found dead or killed by another animal (aka strangled, since predators attack the neck).
Lev. 18 defines sexual immorality
Acts 15:20 "Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood."
Enter the Teachings of Man.
Modern day teachers have said that in Romans and Corinthians Paul tells the believers that it's okay to eat food sacrificed to idols. Why would he contradict himself? They use 1 Corinthians 8 to say that it's okay to eat food sacrificed to idols, but in 1 Corinthians 10 Paul explained that idols are linked to demons and we should have nothing to do with demons.
Modern day teachers say it's okay to eat bloody meat. And they would probably say there's nothing immoral about eating roadkill. Where is the Biblical support?
What is sexually immoral? Lev. 18 includes incest, adultery, sex with a woman in her period, homosexuality, and bestiality. How were the Gentiles to know all this unless they studied torah? Their culture approved of all kind of perverted sex.
What is the transition from OT to NT? Do we obey everything from the Old unless it is rejected in the New? Or do we ignore everything from the Old unless it is re-commanded in the New?
The prohibition on sex with a woman in her period is not rejected in the New Testament, yet many Christians think that it's okay.
The prohibition on bestiality is not repeated in the New Testament, yet few Christians would say that it's okay.
It shouldn't be surprising that the term "Homosexual Christian" is becoming more accepted.
Without the foundation of the Torah, the structures of morality in modern day Christianity are built on sand. What a person feels or thinks becomes more important than what the Bible says. Are you building your life on the Spoken, Written and Living Word of God or on the words of men?
This week's Torah portion starts with a reminder of Aaron's sons that died. Aaron is then warned that he must not go into the sanctuary any time he feels like it. This gives more weight to the possibility that Nadab and Abihu were killed for going in at the wrong time.
There is such a thing as holy time. When God declares something about a day, his declaration is true. Our timing ought to line up with God's timing.
The tenth day of the seventh month is Yom Kippur, Day of Atonement. That day is unique/holy to God. The priests might want to do a good thing, but if they did it at the wrong time it was trouble.
The seventh day of each week is also holy time. Working is a good thing. But not on the Sabbath. God said so.
Misunderstanding
I've heard it taught that the High Priest had bells on the bottom of his robe and when he went into the Holy of Holies on Yom Kippur they would tie a rope around his foot and if the bells stopped ringing they knew he was dead and would pull him out.
Not true. The High Priest's ephod did have bells along the hem. But the one day that he would remove that ephod was on Yom Kippur. When he went into the Holy of Holies, he wore a plain linen tunic, the standard dress for any priest.
Read Leviticus 16:4,24. Have you heard the rope and bells story before?
Acts 15
This week's torah portion contains the source of the prohibitions in Acts 15.
Lev. 17:1-9 says that sacrifices needed to be brought to the Tabernacle (later the Temple) so that they wouldn't be eating sacrifices to false gods/idols.
Lev. 17:10-14 prohibits eating blood.
Lev. 17:15 prohibits eating animals found dead or killed by another animal (aka strangled, since predators attack the neck).
Lev. 18 defines sexual immorality
Acts 15:20 "Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood."
Enter the Teachings of Man.
Modern day teachers have said that in Romans and Corinthians Paul tells the believers that it's okay to eat food sacrificed to idols. Why would he contradict himself? They use 1 Corinthians 8 to say that it's okay to eat food sacrificed to idols, but in 1 Corinthians 10 Paul explained that idols are linked to demons and we should have nothing to do with demons.
Modern day teachers say it's okay to eat bloody meat. And they would probably say there's nothing immoral about eating roadkill. Where is the Biblical support?
What is sexually immoral? Lev. 18 includes incest, adultery, sex with a woman in her period, homosexuality, and bestiality. How were the Gentiles to know all this unless they studied torah? Their culture approved of all kind of perverted sex.
What is the transition from OT to NT? Do we obey everything from the Old unless it is rejected in the New? Or do we ignore everything from the Old unless it is re-commanded in the New?
The prohibition on sex with a woman in her period is not rejected in the New Testament, yet many Christians think that it's okay.
The prohibition on bestiality is not repeated in the New Testament, yet few Christians would say that it's okay.
It shouldn't be surprising that the term "Homosexual Christian" is becoming more accepted.
Without the foundation of the Torah, the structures of morality in modern day Christianity are built on sand. What a person feels or thinks becomes more important than what the Bible says. Are you building your life on the Spoken, Written and Living Word of God or on the words of men?
Monday, April 18, 2005
I Think His Name Is Andrew
Today at Central Market I checked out a man in a wheelchair. I check out a lot of people in wheelchairs, but this guy had very limited mobility.
He rolled up behind me and said, "Excuse me, sir. Could I leave these behind here with you?" He had a lap full of bags of vegetables and a bag of fish and ice. I answered sure at the same time as Alice, one of the leads. (We call the managers "leads"). We both unloaded the food from his lap into a basket. Alice (who is an interesting, even myserious, person herself) said that he's a really cool guy and she explained to me that he would pay with a credit card and he didn't have to sign the receipt.
He picked up a few more things and came back. Alice came right back to make sure that everything was handled right. He must have been feeling good because he wanted to sign the receipt. He told Alice how to slide the pen in between the appropriate fingers. He scribbled on the line and said with a smile, "It's close enough for governmental paperwork."
As Alice was putting his credit card back I saw that he has a tube over his shoulder so that he can drink water. Alice loaded the bags onto the handles on his wheelchair. She double bagged them because she knows that he takes the bus and she didn't want the bags to break.
As we helped the man I remembered a Real Live Preacher story. I read it when I got home. Click here to read it. It's slightly graphic, so read only if you're brave. Also you may want to read this story about Real Live Preacher and his wheelchair friends.
I think I wrote more tonight about Alice than about the man in the wheelchair. I think she likes to feel special and important. But then, don't we all. She's kinda mean sometimes. I think she just really wants stuff to be done right. She has moments when she's really nice. I think she's a very nice kind person deep down, but she has a very tough exterior.
Anyways, I'm going to stop writing now. Take a look at those stories, and have a nice day.
He rolled up behind me and said, "Excuse me, sir. Could I leave these behind here with you?" He had a lap full of bags of vegetables and a bag of fish and ice. I answered sure at the same time as Alice, one of the leads. (We call the managers "leads"). We both unloaded the food from his lap into a basket. Alice (who is an interesting, even myserious, person herself) said that he's a really cool guy and she explained to me that he would pay with a credit card and he didn't have to sign the receipt.
He picked up a few more things and came back. Alice came right back to make sure that everything was handled right. He must have been feeling good because he wanted to sign the receipt. He told Alice how to slide the pen in between the appropriate fingers. He scribbled on the line and said with a smile, "It's close enough for governmental paperwork."
As Alice was putting his credit card back I saw that he has a tube over his shoulder so that he can drink water. Alice loaded the bags onto the handles on his wheelchair. She double bagged them because she knows that he takes the bus and she didn't want the bags to break.
As we helped the man I remembered a Real Live Preacher story. I read it when I got home. Click here to read it. It's slightly graphic, so read only if you're brave. Also you may want to read this story about Real Live Preacher and his wheelchair friends.
I think I wrote more tonight about Alice than about the man in the wheelchair. I think she likes to feel special and important. But then, don't we all. She's kinda mean sometimes. I think she just really wants stuff to be done right. She has moments when she's really nice. I think she's a very nice kind person deep down, but she has a very tough exterior.
Anyways, I'm going to stop writing now. Take a look at those stories, and have a nice day.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Caffeine, Beer, and It's Still MY Birthday
In French this morning, my eyes were closed through most of the class. The last time I felt as tired as today was after an overnighter. I don't know why I was so tired. I got plenty of sleep last night. I bet it was because I didn't have coffee this morning. I was dead tired until I had a Coke at work. I am a caffeine addict.
So at work, after I woke up, I carded a guy buying beer. There on the license 07-24-1983, MY Birthday. It was Zack again!! He remembered me, too. He collects beer bottles. At Central Market we have beer imported from all over the world. He said he almost has one of each of our bottles, so he will have to look elsewhere. He said something like that he's probably been an alcoholic since he was 17.
I wonder if it was when I was 17 that I became a caffeine addict. My first or second year of college I almost completely abstained from caffeine. But in the last year or two, I've gone back. I'm wondering if I should again face the tiredness and headaches of withdrawl.
What do you think about the statement, "Everyone's addicted to something." So true or no true?
So at work, after I woke up, I carded a guy buying beer. There on the license 07-24-1983, MY Birthday. It was Zack again!! He remembered me, too. He collects beer bottles. At Central Market we have beer imported from all over the world. He said he almost has one of each of our bottles, so he will have to look elsewhere. He said something like that he's probably been an alcoholic since he was 17.
I wonder if it was when I was 17 that I became a caffeine addict. My first or second year of college I almost completely abstained from caffeine. But in the last year or two, I've gone back. I'm wondering if I should again face the tiredness and headaches of withdrawl.
What do you think about the statement, "Everyone's addicted to something." So true or no true?
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
FYI: Leprosy
Last week's and this week's torah portions talk about "Leprosy" but the affliction is not actually leprosy. A lot of Bible's have stopped translating it as leprosy and are translating it as infectious skin disease. But I don't know if that's exactly accurate either. It seems very supernatural. The Hebrew word is "Tzara'at." There are various kinds. Here's some info about tzara'at you may not have known or really thought about.
Tzara'at not only affects a person's skin, but it can appear on clothing (or anything made of wool, linen, or leather), and it can appear on the walls of houses (in the land of Israel).
Tzara'at on the person takes on various forms and each has different rules. It can appear as a discoloring, a scab, a bright spot, a raised spot, a burn, a boil, a sore on the scalp or beard. It can be a small spot (that a person might hide) or it could cover the whole body.
A person (or clothing or house) with tzara'at is not unclean (or clean) until a priest says he/she/it is unclean (or clean).
There is no law against touching a metzora (person with tzara'at). Priests had to do it all the time when examining the metzora. Tzara'at is not contagious. Lev. 13:11 says that a person with a chronic tzara'at is not to be put in isolation.
If every bit of a metzora's body is covered with tzara'at, they are clean. If a little bit of normal flesh later appears, then the metzora is unclean. I think, when Jesus healed the 10 lepers and only the one Samaritan leper came back to thank him, that Jesus made them all covered with tzara'at and thus clean, then when the one came back and Jesus said, "Your faith has made you well" then all of the tzara'at was completely removed from that man. Just my opinion.
Only a bald man with red and white tzara'at on the bald part of their head has to cover up and yell "unclean, unclean" and live alone outside the camp.
Interesting?
Tzara'at not only affects a person's skin, but it can appear on clothing (or anything made of wool, linen, or leather), and it can appear on the walls of houses (in the land of Israel).
Tzara'at on the person takes on various forms and each has different rules. It can appear as a discoloring, a scab, a bright spot, a raised spot, a burn, a boil, a sore on the scalp or beard. It can be a small spot (that a person might hide) or it could cover the whole body.
A person (or clothing or house) with tzara'at is not unclean (or clean) until a priest says he/she/it is unclean (or clean).
There is no law against touching a metzora (person with tzara'at). Priests had to do it all the time when examining the metzora. Tzara'at is not contagious. Lev. 13:11 says that a person with a chronic tzara'at is not to be put in isolation.
If every bit of a metzora's body is covered with tzara'at, they are clean. If a little bit of normal flesh later appears, then the metzora is unclean. I think, when Jesus healed the 10 lepers and only the one Samaritan leper came back to thank him, that Jesus made them all covered with tzara'at and thus clean, then when the one came back and Jesus said, "Your faith has made you well" then all of the tzara'at was completely removed from that man. Just my opinion.
Only a bald man with red and white tzara'at on the bald part of their head has to cover up and yell "unclean, unclean" and live alone outside the camp.
Interesting?
Monday, April 11, 2005
Help
Last night it rained cats and (literally) dogs. Today it was sunny. I was happier last night than I was today.
Here's a song that I really like, for those of you in chapel today, and for those of you who weren't. (a couple words are edited out because it's too racy for Christian record companies).
Heart Still Beats
by Brave Saint Saturn,
"The girl in the alley kneels with exhaustion
She's guarded by the skinny guy who limps from some infection
Behind a veil of bleached thin hair her eyes tell a story
Like a photo of Berlin, December 1944
She's looking for a handout, she's been high for several weeks now
She's too far gone for whoring and the money just gave out
And her heart still beats inside
And the blood runs in her veins
A remnant of life remains
Her heart still beats inside
The man finally comes to the door, I've seen him several times
He always looks %*$$ed off and his sunglasses stay on
I think he got his biceps and tattoos while in prison
And it doesnt seem to bother him when he says "go to #&!!"
And his heart still beats inside
The blood runs in his veins
A remnant of life remains
His heart still beats inside
The thought it comes to my mind, to somehow intervene
But it could bring me trouble, and what can I do anyway?
It's hard to be effective when it happens so often
To see a life unraveling, through drawn venetian blinds
I'm sickened by compassion, I'm stifled by my limitations
Anesthetic apathy, come take the pain away
And my heart still beats inside
The blood runs in my veins
A remnant of life remains
And my heart still beats inside
Oh God, we need you here
We're sinking fast and we dont care
The evidence is all around me, on both sides of my door
Our hearts beat"
Here's a song that I really like, for those of you in chapel today, and for those of you who weren't. (a couple words are edited out because it's too racy for Christian record companies).
by Brave Saint Saturn,
"The girl in the alley kneels with exhaustion
She's guarded by the skinny guy who limps from some infection
Behind a veil of bleached thin hair her eyes tell a story
Like a photo of Berlin, December 1944
She's looking for a handout, she's been high for several weeks now
She's too far gone for whoring and the money just gave out
And her heart still beats inside
And the blood runs in her veins
A remnant of life remains
Her heart still beats inside
The man finally comes to the door, I've seen him several times
He always looks %*$$ed off and his sunglasses stay on
I think he got his biceps and tattoos while in prison
And it doesnt seem to bother him when he says "go to #&!!"
And his heart still beats inside
The blood runs in his veins
A remnant of life remains
His heart still beats inside
The thought it comes to my mind, to somehow intervene
But it could bring me trouble, and what can I do anyway?
It's hard to be effective when it happens so often
To see a life unraveling, through drawn venetian blinds
I'm sickened by compassion, I'm stifled by my limitations
Anesthetic apathy, come take the pain away
And my heart still beats inside
The blood runs in my veins
A remnant of life remains
And my heart still beats inside
Oh God, we need you here
We're sinking fast and we dont care
The evidence is all around me, on both sides of my door
Our hearts beat"
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
A Day In My Life: April 5, 2005
I went to sleep way too late last night. I've been real tired all day today. Good thing I didn't have to go to work.
At tutoring, I didn't tutor, but I helped a student pre-register.
For devos, we had doughnuts and orange juice (that makes life great for me). And we watched a cheezy video. It was a Christian detective trying to solve the mystery of who stole the "How to Become a Christian" book. He questioned the usual suspects and was surprised to find Christians who didn't read their Bible, pray, or witness. gasp.
During devos, Anna (lives in Utah. I was in her wedding in December) called me and I answered the phone and told her that I was in devos and would call her afterwards. I called her after devos, but she didn't answer, so I left a message.
In Logue's class I was bored and tired. We have a test Thursday.
At lunch I saw my beautiful girlfriend who spent a great part of the day finishing up a project. I talked with our friend Julie for a while. It was cool. I've missed talking to Julie and lots of other people.
Joy and I had been planning to go this afternoon to look at an apartment that I found on the internet. So I called the place but only got a machine. I took a nap while I waited for Joy to finish her project. I slept like a rock. For over an hour I was practically non-existent. When I woke up to the ringing phone, it took me a minute to figure out who, when and where I was. So Joy and I went to look at the apartment. We didn't actually get to look at the apartment, but I mainly wanted to see the neighborhood, and we got to see that. not too exciting. I'm gonna try to check out some more friday after work.
Then I went to my last group at the counseling center. Two people graduated from the recovery program. I was thinking that I would miss them because they were graduating, but then I realized that I'm going to miss everybody because I'm leaving. I had to go through that thought process several times before that sunk in. Tomorrow I go for the last time to the counseling center, but not for group. So toward the end of the first hour, the director of the center said that to ensure that the counseling center would be a safe, drug free environment for recovery, the Drug Task Force was there. . . with dogs, and if anyone had anything they didn't want to get caught with, they needed to leave. So we were hearded to different sections of the building while the dogs and men in black with ski masks over their faces searched out the rooms. It was a bizzare experience.
As soon as I got to group I had a craving for a beef and potato burrito. So after group, I went straight to Taco Bell and got one. The beef and potatoes were all on the top and the sauce and stuff was all at the bottom, so it was pretty funky.
This evening I found this cool flash animated poem song thing by Peter Nevland and Paul Finley. You should watch it. I think Peter Nevland is cool. He's best to see in person in a small setting. He's going to be in the Dallas area next week. Depending on my work schedule I might get to see him.
Then I went to Wal-Mart with Joy. We looked at fabrics and buttons. Joy bought me a 7up. She spoils me even though mom warned her not to.
As I typed this, I cooked some pasta (lunch and dinner for the rest of the week). I went to Joy's room to ask for the collandar. There was lots of giggling and her roomate answered the door. Joy gave me the collandar wearing a pink dress with a zip up hoodie over it.
Now, I'm going to post this and go to sleep... before midnight, so maybe I won't be as tired tomorrow.
At tutoring, I didn't tutor, but I helped a student pre-register.
For devos, we had doughnuts and orange juice (that makes life great for me). And we watched a cheezy video. It was a Christian detective trying to solve the mystery of who stole the "How to Become a Christian" book. He questioned the usual suspects and was surprised to find Christians who didn't read their Bible, pray, or witness. gasp.
During devos, Anna (lives in Utah. I was in her wedding in December) called me and I answered the phone and told her that I was in devos and would call her afterwards. I called her after devos, but she didn't answer, so I left a message.
In Logue's class I was bored and tired. We have a test Thursday.
At lunch I saw my beautiful girlfriend who spent a great part of the day finishing up a project. I talked with our friend Julie for a while. It was cool. I've missed talking to Julie and lots of other people.
Joy and I had been planning to go this afternoon to look at an apartment that I found on the internet. So I called the place but only got a machine. I took a nap while I waited for Joy to finish her project. I slept like a rock. For over an hour I was practically non-existent. When I woke up to the ringing phone, it took me a minute to figure out who, when and where I was. So Joy and I went to look at the apartment. We didn't actually get to look at the apartment, but I mainly wanted to see the neighborhood, and we got to see that. not too exciting. I'm gonna try to check out some more friday after work.
Then I went to my last group at the counseling center. Two people graduated from the recovery program. I was thinking that I would miss them because they were graduating, but then I realized that I'm going to miss everybody because I'm leaving. I had to go through that thought process several times before that sunk in. Tomorrow I go for the last time to the counseling center, but not for group. So toward the end of the first hour, the director of the center said that to ensure that the counseling center would be a safe, drug free environment for recovery, the Drug Task Force was there. . . with dogs, and if anyone had anything they didn't want to get caught with, they needed to leave. So we were hearded to different sections of the building while the dogs and men in black with ski masks over their faces searched out the rooms. It was a bizzare experience.
As soon as I got to group I had a craving for a beef and potato burrito. So after group, I went straight to Taco Bell and got one. The beef and potatoes were all on the top and the sauce and stuff was all at the bottom, so it was pretty funky.
This evening I found this cool flash animated poem song thing by Peter Nevland and Paul Finley. You should watch it. I think Peter Nevland is cool. He's best to see in person in a small setting. He's going to be in the Dallas area next week. Depending on my work schedule I might get to see him.
Then I went to Wal-Mart with Joy. We looked at fabrics and buttons. Joy bought me a 7up. She spoils me even though mom warned her not to.
As I typed this, I cooked some pasta (lunch and dinner for the rest of the week). I went to Joy's room to ask for the collandar. There was lots of giggling and her roomate answered the door. Joy gave me the collandar wearing a pink dress with a zip up hoodie over it.
Now, I'm going to post this and go to sleep... before midnight, so maybe I won't be as tired tomorrow.
Monday Morning
Morning feels like a long time ago.
I have two days left at my practicum site. This morning was my last Monday group. I'm really gonna miss all those guys. I've gotten to know the counselors and clients. And I've learned a lot from both.
I wonder what's going to happen to some of the clients. I've gotten to see them while they're clean, so I see what great individuals they are. But any of them could slip back into being whatever they were before. I want them all to be overcomers.
I wonder what's going to happen with the guy who's there for DUI and says he's not an alcoholic, just unlucky. He seems to have decided at last that group doesn't have to be torture. He doesn't think he needs help, but he's started trying to help other people in the group. He's a smart guy and he shares what he's learned.
Denial is a strange thing. It blinds a person. You think that everything is fine. You don't have a problem. You really and truly think that you are doing fantastic. It would be too difficult to admit that you have made some bad choices. You can't see that the truth is right there in front of you. You unconsciously lie to yourself to protect yourself. You think that the people living right are the ones with the problem. Why do people keep telling you that you have a problem? Can't they see that you're just fine? This is who you are. You've been doing this for a long time and it's worked just fine so far. The ones telling you to change are just too strict and narrow minded. You have to either admit that you're wrong or deny until it's too late.
I have two days left at my practicum site. This morning was my last Monday group. I'm really gonna miss all those guys. I've gotten to know the counselors and clients. And I've learned a lot from both.
I wonder what's going to happen to some of the clients. I've gotten to see them while they're clean, so I see what great individuals they are. But any of them could slip back into being whatever they were before. I want them all to be overcomers.
I wonder what's going to happen with the guy who's there for DUI and says he's not an alcoholic, just unlucky. He seems to have decided at last that group doesn't have to be torture. He doesn't think he needs help, but he's started trying to help other people in the group. He's a smart guy and he shares what he's learned.
Denial is a strange thing. It blinds a person. You think that everything is fine. You don't have a problem. You really and truly think that you are doing fantastic. It would be too difficult to admit that you have made some bad choices. You can't see that the truth is right there in front of you. You unconsciously lie to yourself to protect yourself. You think that the people living right are the ones with the problem. Why do people keep telling you that you have a problem? Can't they see that you're just fine? This is who you are. You've been doing this for a long time and it's worked just fine so far. The ones telling you to change are just too strict and narrow minded. You have to either admit that you're wrong or deny until it's too late.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Maturing
Now listening to: Roper
I remember my freshman year, at church there was a song that said something like, "If there was only one word to describe you it would be Holy." And I just couldn't sing that song. All my life, I've firmly believed that Love is the greatest thing ever. God's love is the greastest thing about him. My quest to love God and love others led to the paradigm shift where I started to believe that we should obey even the commandments in the Old Testament. After a while, inside me the ideas of holiness and obedience stopped being results of love but became the main things themselves. Lately I have gotten back to the idea that love is key. I think it was last week's omer reading that reminded me of that process that I went through and re-emphasized the importance of Love.
I also remember how the first two years of college I thought I knew everything. I could explain everything from how God thinks to how everyone ought to behave. I looked down on Christians whose theology wasn't as logical as mine and whose devotion to prayer and witnessing was not as great as mine. But since I've started trying to love God by obeying all of his commands, I've realized how sinful I am and how little I know. Some commandments are just tough to wrap your mind around. And sometimes I feel like compromizing rather than obeying. Within obedience to the commandments of God, whether Jewish or Messianic, there is a great variance of observance. Some people are more strict than others. Some have noticed commands that others never knew were there. As a result I've learned a lot more tolerance for Christians who aren't as holy as me (j/k). I have become more accepting of people in their weaknesses because I now see more of mine. The Torah really is every great thing that the New Testament says it is.
Last night I had my 90 day evaluation when I got to work. I found out that I need to take initiative and be more friendly. So last night I absolutely forced myself to be outgoing. It was a rush. I was so happy all night. Being friendly makes me happy.
The Pope died yesterday. The new Pope will be elected later this month.
I remember my freshman year, at church there was a song that said something like, "If there was only one word to describe you it would be Holy." And I just couldn't sing that song. All my life, I've firmly believed that Love is the greatest thing ever. God's love is the greastest thing about him. My quest to love God and love others led to the paradigm shift where I started to believe that we should obey even the commandments in the Old Testament. After a while, inside me the ideas of holiness and obedience stopped being results of love but became the main things themselves. Lately I have gotten back to the idea that love is key. I think it was last week's omer reading that reminded me of that process that I went through and re-emphasized the importance of Love.
I also remember how the first two years of college I thought I knew everything. I could explain everything from how God thinks to how everyone ought to behave. I looked down on Christians whose theology wasn't as logical as mine and whose devotion to prayer and witnessing was not as great as mine. But since I've started trying to love God by obeying all of his commands, I've realized how sinful I am and how little I know. Some commandments are just tough to wrap your mind around. And sometimes I feel like compromizing rather than obeying. Within obedience to the commandments of God, whether Jewish or Messianic, there is a great variance of observance. Some people are more strict than others. Some have noticed commands that others never knew were there. As a result I've learned a lot more tolerance for Christians who aren't as holy as me (j/k). I have become more accepting of people in their weaknesses because I now see more of mine. The Torah really is every great thing that the New Testament says it is.
Last night I had my 90 day evaluation when I got to work. I found out that I need to take initiative and be more friendly. So last night I absolutely forced myself to be outgoing. It was a rush. I was so happy all night. Being friendly makes me happy.
The Pope died yesterday. The new Pope will be elected later this month.
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