At Least

(I started writing this post last night at about 10:30.)

There was plenty of stuff that I could do tonight but there was nothing that I really had to do. Finals start on Friday. But I can think about that later.

I walked through the nasty wind from the cafeteria to my room. I don't feel like doing anything that will require much effort. I have been wanting to get back on the internet and read those stories that highlight the awesome way that Jesus lived and therefore show how we should live. I want to read about what it really means to love my neighbor. I might pause for a few minutes and contemplate how much truth there really is in the statement that people are more important than principles.

This afternoon, as I was reading some of those embellished stories about Jesus and I just had to stop and pray. I was filled with such a keen sense of how uncaring I can be, I desire to be loving, I want opportunities to show love. Lord, I’m just like Judas yelling at that woman for wasting the perfume. Lord, help me to see that the individual in front of me at any given moment is far more valuable than any long range plans I may have. Lord, I desire to see through your eyes to feel that empathy and compassion that moved you to help people when you, in your human form, just wanted some peace and quiet for a moment.

6:30 pm, in my room, warm and safe from the bitter wind. My tummy is full of yummy food that I once again forgot to thank God for. I sat down at my computer. Click the internet explorer button, type in my name and password about 5 times, try to get my media player to play a song without freezing up my computer. Oh, right I’ve been wanting to check my mail too.

Knock, knock, knock.

Ugh. It’s probably somebody wanting to ask one of my roommates something. I just got comfortable. It’s alright, no big deal, just go answer the door, tell them you’re the only one here, then come back and sit down.

I open the door and it’s one of the many Josh’s.

“Hi. Is Phillip here?”

“Nope.” Okay time to close the door and get back to my little world.

“Oh. Um...could I ask you a favor?”

“I dunno. Whaddya want?”

“Well I’m supposed to pick Eric up from the airport at 8 but my alternator’s broken. So I don’t have any way to get there and he doesn’t have any way to get here. So could you drive me to the airport to pick him up?”

What in the world? I don’t want to spend two hours of my evening driving to the airport and back. I have been planning to play on my computer. And that’s what I’m gonna do. This isn’t my problem. Let’s keep it that way. He can find somebody else to take him.

I said some almost half truth like, "I'm kinda busy tonight." Well, I was planning on keeping myself busy doing stuff.

"That's what everyone else said. I've asked eleven people already and none of them could help me."

Stinks for you bud. Keep trying. You’re bound to find somebody who will help you at this big ole Christian University.

All I had to do was say, “Sorry. I wish I could help” and close the door and it would be over with. But I couldn’t say those words. It would be a total lie. I can tell a half truth, but not a flat out lie. If I really felt bad for him and wanted to help then I would. There’s no way I could say “wish I could help” if I didn’t. So now I’ve got to ask myself do I want to help this guy or not. I had already decided that I was worthy of not being interrupted, but the real question was whether or not this guy is worthy of my help.

He saw me pause and took it as a sign of hope. So he continued his pleading. “Eric said he would pay for gas and everything. And I’ll go with you. His airplane gets in at 8, so you wouldn’t have to leave until like 7:15.”

Okay. Think. What do I really have to do tonight. Nothing important. I weighed the balances in my mind the pros and cons. Such an inconvenience, but there is really no good reason for me not to help him. My car already has 160 thousand miles on it, what’s another eighty? I don’t have to pay for the gas. I have to spend a couple of hours different than how I had planned, but it wont be that bad. These guys are pretty cool, so it really wont be like torture.

“Yeah, I could probably help,” I said making sure that the sour look on my face conveyed the fact that I really didn’t want to help, but that I was willing to make this sacrifice for him.

“Thank you so much. You’re a really great guy. I’ll come back by at 7:15, okay?”

“Alright. See ya.”

I closed the door and when the latch clicked, so did my heart and my mind. I have been in the same position as him so many times before. I used to have to beg for rides to get here and there. Back then I promised myself that when I got a car I would look for people who needed rides and offer to give them a lift. I have asked people to help me with some things that a Christian should do without a second thought. Money for a missions trip to China, spending a night to help feed and clothe homeless people in Dallas. I wished that people would do the right thing. Well, now was my chance to do what I had wished that other people would do. My chance to do what I had promised myself I would do if I had the chance. God gave me the opportunity to love my neighbor as myself. I should have jumped at the opportunity with excitement. But no, I needed an attitude adjustment.

Today in chapel they read a book by Max Lucado. I think it was called Jacob's gift. The main point of the book was in the line, "When you give a gift to one of God's children it is as if you have given a gift to God himself."

We have the privilege and the responsibility to give gifts to God in a variety of ways.

It’s the last day of November and what am I thankful for? I’m thankful that God kept me from saying no, which I know I would have regretted. I’m thankful that God continues to give me opportunities to serve him even when I blow it. I’m thankful that God continues to teach me about his amazing Love.

So I went to the airport. It wasn’t that bad. It was even a little fun. Eric paid for gas and even bought me dinner. And I got back with plenty of time left to do nothing. My only regret is that I didn’t immediately say, ”Yes, I’ll go.”

note: As i was posting this (at work), they presented the "Above and Beyond the Call of Duty" award to a girl who almost always has a smile on her face, she actually does care about people and never makes people feel like they are a burden to her. Stacy rocks!

prayd4uth

youth went well. i'm a good teacher. i amazed myself. i think it was good because i prayed first and asked God to teach through me. the whole day was better cuz i prayed more. prayer is good. i should do it more often.

thanksgiving

So, for thanksgiving i went to kansas to my gramma's and my uncle's. My uncle Mark cooked most of the food and it was the best thanksgiving meal ever. I got to see my cool brother. My dad came back down to Texas with me for a couple of days. Last night we went to chili's and got chips and queso, then we went to Carino's and used our free desert coupon. Joy and i had capuccinos dad had a latte and we all had a desert called cannoli. it was different but yummy. tonight i get to teach the youth group about abraham. well, that's all for now.

Joseph Sandwich

This week's Torah portion is Genesis 37-40. Like most of the rest of the book of Genesis, it's all about Joseph, except for chapter 38. Chapter 37 ends with Joseph being sold to Potiphar and chapter 39 picks up with Joseph in Potiphar's house, but chapter 38 is stuck in there and it's all about Judah and his sons and his daughter in law and craziness. But out of the whole incident Perez and Zerah end up being born. Perez is an ancestor of David and therefore of Messiah. So this is a pretty important incident. I just wonder why it's stuck right where it is in the middle of Joseph entering Potiphar's house.

If anyone's reading my blog say "I"

HTDAAB

NEW U2 CD COMES OUT TOMORROW!!!

That news was enough to make this bad day good.

spisical

This week's Torah portion will be Genesis 32:3 - 36:43.

Now I'm going to talk a little about this last week's portion and respond to Anonymous's comment in "l-i-v-e e-t-e-r-n-a-l-l-y"

Jacob has a dream and sees angels ascending and descending on a ladder connecting heaven and earth.

So, angels, are they physical or spiritual? Spiritual, but they have physical attributes. They can be seen and heard. They can touch things. What kind of body does God have? Do we know? He is spirit. But is that all? Was Jesus any less God by having a physical body? Or should we accept the heresy that he only seemed physical?

I am not saying that we are going to be resurrected and be exactly the way we are now. No, we will be changed. Imperfect will become perfect. But must we be changed into something so radically different from how we were originally created? God created the physical world and called it good. Gnosticism calls the spiritual good and the physical bad. Buddhism seeks release from the confines of the physical. But the ladder connecting heaven and earth, Jesus, walked the earth as a physical person, died a physical death, and was physically resurrected.

What do we know? How does one divide between the physical and spiritual? Is breath physical or spiritual? Are words physical or spiritual? Thoughts, emotions, love, greed... physical or spiritual?

sigh

i have a little bit of time now, except actually i still have a bunch of stuff i should be doing. so, my little bro is a talented star. he's warbucks in Annie. but i cant see it cus im down in texas and he's in colorado. man im tired.

l-i-v-e e-t-e-r-n-a-l-l-y

This week's Torah portion will be Genesis 28:10-32:2.

I'll probably write something about it later. But now I'm going to talk about a different topic that relates to what I wrote a few posts ago.

When Jesus was resurrected was he a ghost or did he have a physical body?
When we're all resurrected, is it going to be a physical resurrection? Does it matter? Or does it affect how we live now whether we are looking forward to a physical or a non-physical future? Why is there a physical world?

Is heaven a place where we bask in God’s goodness in an entirely spiritual realm and feel happy and awed all of the time? Is that what we were created for?

It seems that Adam and Eve were supposed to live eternally on the earth. Adam’s job was to cultivate and keep the garden (Gen 2:15), and to rule over the animals (Gen 1:26), and to have offspring (Gen 1:28). After the fall, it got harder to work the land (Gen 3:17-19). So before the fall, we may assume, it was easier than it is now to be a farmer. But that’s what Adam was created to be. What if Adam had not sinned? What if "the fall" had never happened? What if they had never died? Would God have, at some point, turned them into spiritual, non-physical beings and taken them to live forever in heaven?

God created a physical world. And he created man a physical being. So why do we think that our ultimate destiny is completely non-physical?

Maybe heaven is a place of nothing but worship, but not the kind of worship that is singing and soaking in the divine glow. Maybe it’s the kind of worship that is a life of living, gardening, and working with God.

What if, as you were dying, you heard God whisper in your ear, “I’m proud of you. You completed your mission. I made you to do a certain thing and you did it. Good job. Now you’re done. Totally finished. There’s nothing more after this.” Would you be satisfied that you had done what God wanted? Or would you feel cheated that you don’t get more of a reward besides God saying, “good job”? Should you feel satisfied with that? Or are we supposed to desire something more?

Maybe the something more that we desire isn’t to lazily pass our days in paradise, but to work with God in something purposeful.

If we were created to worship God, do we have the right idea of what worship is?
We are left on the earth for a reason. We are not to just worship God hiding in a corner being super spiritual. We are to get dirty and serve. We need to be who we are supposed to be - beings created in God’s image – dynamic and creative, not serene and boring.

two sides of the same coin?

The knowledge of good and evil or rather our tendency to distinguish them is a corruption. As beings who would see from the proper perspective, we would not be so obsessed with that distinction. Famine, rain, light and dark all come from God. What we would consider good or evil all find their ultimate source in God. Satan is not God's arch-rival, but as we see in Job, he is the accuser, a servant of God who tests and tempts humans. Judas, whom we would classify in the evil category, should not be so classified since he was a tool to bring about God's will. The crucifixion, was it good or bad? It was bad in that it was the murder of the Righteous One. But ultimately it is viewed as a good thing. Fast forward. Civil War- good or bad? many died, but the slaves were freed. What if things that we view as bad are really accomplishing God's purpose such as judgement or making his people stronger. Maybe the problem of the Fall in the Garden was that the Human's view of the world became split into seeing good and evil, instead of seeing everything the way we should, as coming from God.

Do you agree or disagree?

Israel and Edom

Jacob and Esau both had alternate names.
Jacob got his name changed to Israel because he wrestled with God and wouldn't quit until he received a blessing, even though he got tired and injured.
Esau was called Edom, which means red, not because he had red hair, but because of how much he wanted some "red stuff."
When Esau asked for some of that red stuff that Jacob was cooking and Jacob told him give me your birthright first, Esau's response was, "I'm gonna die, what do i need my invisible birthright for?"
Jacob was concerned with getting things that matter. Esau just wanted whatever he felt like at the moment. Edom’s philosophy was, “eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.” The descendants of Israel have a different approach to the immanence of death with the phrase, “repent one day before you die.”

So later when they go to Isaac to get their blessings and the whole famous thing happens, Esau gets really mad. He had earlier freely given up his rightful blessing, but now he was mad because he saw that Jacob had it. How childish. I don’t want it, but you cant have it.

As it says in Galatians 6 each one should test his own actions without comparing himself to someone else.

This week's Torah portion is Genesis 25:19-28:9. It's all about Jacob and Esau.

I've got a pondering question. In 25:23 Rabekah is told that her older son will serve the younger, but then in chapter 27 she feels the need to make this prophecy come true, so she plots the famous deception with the goat hair on Jacob's arms and everything. Isaac, in 27:29, blesses Jacob that Esau (the older) would serve Jacob (the younger). Now, what if Rabekah had not orchestrated the plan that got Jacob blessed? What if Esau had come in and brought the soup to Isaac? Would Esau have gotten the blessing that Isaac gave Jacob? Was all of this trickery already taken into acount when the prophecy was made in chapter 25? Could the chapter 25 prophecy have still been fulfilled if all of this deception had not taken place?

physically comment

I haven't posted a real post for a while. I guess I've been busy.

I don't remember what started it, but lately I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading about the traditional Christian understanding of heaven, and also about the similarities among certain branches of Buddhism, Gnosticism, and Jewish Mysticism and certain traditional Christian philosophies regarding the physical vs. the spiritual.

Does our ultimate goal or destiny require becoming completely non-physical?
Do we sin primarily because we are physical beings in a physical world?
Is it our future hope that we join God in spiritual bliss free from the confines of physicality?

Feel free to comment. I have fixed it up so that you don't even have to sign in. When the sign in screen pops up, you can click "Or Post Anonymously"

rant

i'm sick. im tired. the snot in my head is giving me a head-ache. i'm just going to whine about stuff now. why do people say "bless you" after somebody sneezes. it doesn't make any sense to me. the most logical explanation i've heard about why people say that was from Milhouse on The Simpsons, "when you sneeze, that's your soul trying to escape. Then when people say 'bless you' it shoves your soul back in." (or something like that). a jewish woman i know says a yiddish phrase when people sneeze and it means something like, "may you have good health." so i guess it might make some sense if people saying "bless you" mean "may you be blessed with health." but i dont think that's what they mean. whatever.

the election is a big thing now. people are checking the polls every few minutes. why? just wait till the votes are in and find out who won. why does it matter that you know who's ahead by how much when it could all change in a couple of hours?

i'll stop now.

this week

This week's Torah portion is Genesis 23:1-25:18.

worship

When it comes to worship in a church service, different people have different tastes in the style of music. They will not sing along unless the song is in their style. For me, I only sing along if I agree with the theology of the words. Words, whether they are audible or visual, are symbols representing our thoughts and emotions. They are a partial means of communication, because we cannot fully express ourselves through words. This is especially true in worship. We cannot even inwardly, invisibly, inaudibly, fully comprehend or feel the whole essence of how great God is. How much more impossible it is to try to express that greatness in feeble words. But that is what we do. And we ought to. In the way we live our lives we should be showing by our actions and attitude how great God is. But there’s something powerful about words. The world is created by words from God. The Constitution that holds America together is words. The court system is words: testimonies, arguments, verdicts. The words we say have the power to build up or tear others down in our eyes, in the eyes of others, and in their own eyes. We can speak truth or lies and bring peace and life or destruction and death. Words are so weak yet so powerful.

Now that I’ve said all that, some of the most emotional and intimate times I have with God in musical type worship are when I’m walking around outside making up a tune and singing la la la dun dun mm mm na na or in the midst of an instrumental interlude during a service when the guitarist, drummer, and keyboardist are just worshipping God with their hands.

daring

This week's Torah portion is Genesis 18-22.
It contains Abraham's pleading for Sodom and Gomorrah, and the binding of Isaac.

Shema (part 4)

The final paragraph

Numbers 15:37-41, “And LORD spoke to Moses saying, ‘Speak to the children of Israel and say to them that they are to make themselves tzitzit [tassels] on the corners of their garments, throughout their generations. And they are to place upon the tzitzit of each corner a dark blue thread. And it shall constitute tzitzit for you, that you may see it and remember all the commandments of LORD and perform them; and not explore after your heart and after your eyes after which you stray. So that you may remember and perform all my commandments; and be holy to your God. I am LORD, your God, who has removed you from the land of Egypt to be a God to you, I am LORD your God.’”

This paragraph I understand as being literal, not figurative. This is because tzitzit are actual objects that you can attach to your garments. And they have the stated purpose that they are to be seen and they will remind you of the commandments. The passages that I interpreted as figurative did not describe an object to tie to your hand and head; the passages said that you are to tie the commands themselves to your hand and head. The commands are spoken words requiring actions, they are not objects, unless you claim that the written words are what he’s referring to, which would mean that you have to tie the entire bible (or the original stones or scrolls) to your hand and forehead. However, though the tzitzit are actual objects that you can see, they are also symbols.

The Hebrew word translated as corners is “kanaph.” In the rest of the Bible it is translated as wings. For instance Malachi 4:2 says, “the sun of righteousness will arise with healing in his wings.” Now look at Matt 9:20, 14:36. The woman with the issue of blood as well as many others may have been healed when they touched Jesus’ tzitzit.

The tassels represent the commands of God and are a reminder of the holiness of his people. The dark blue thread can be seen as a picture of Messiah. According to the only tradition we know of for making tzitzit, the blue thread is doubled over and wrapped around the other threads, so it looks like two blue threads. We can understand this as representing the two comings of the Messiah. The blue thread can also be seen as the two greatest commands, the first of which is contained in the first paragraph of the Shema, “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength” and the second is similar, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Just as the blue thread wraps around all the other threads, these two commands, which are in essence one command, hold together all the other commandments.

I find it interesting that the tzitzit are made to be seen and their purpose is to prevent you from straying after your eyes. Also note that both the wearer and the others around see them. They surround the person who wears them.

The purpose of the tzitzit is twice stated as so that you will remember and perform LORD’s commandments. The first time this is followed with the idea of not straying and following your own desires, the second time it is followed with the idea of being holy to LORD. So being holy is paralleled with not following your own desires. Most of us know that following our eyes can often lead to sin, but we are often told to follow our hearts; but our hearts are deceptive and can lead us into sin. We must be holy (which means separate, unique, and distinct.) and follow God’s desires, his Word, his commands.

Shema (part 3)

Paragraph 2

Deuteronomy 11:13-21, “It shall come to pass that if you listen obediently to my commandments which I am commanding you today, to love LORD your God and to serve Him with all your heart and all your soul, that I will give the rain for your land in its proper time, the early and late rain, that you may gather in your grain and your new wine and your oil. I will give grass in your fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied. Beware that your hearts are not deceived and that you do not turn away and serve other gods and worship them. Or the anger of LORD will be kindled against you, and he will shut up the heavens so that there will be no rain and the ground will not yield its fruit; and you will perish quickly from the good land which LORD is giving you. You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as the heavens above the earth.”

There are a few things I want to draw out of this paragraph:

Here we see that there definitely is a command to love God. Also, I recently found out that the perfect mood could carry the force of a command. So “you shall love” (as well as the other perfect mood phrases) may be understood as both a prophecy and a command or as either one or the other.
God’s words are to be on our heart and soul. One of the stated duties of the priests was to teach the law to people. But this paragraph is not written only to priests. All of God’s people are to study and teach the Word of God. Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. God’s Word is to be our sustenance. His Word is life. How high is our view of the very words of God?

This paragraph contains to imperative command to take head to not be deceived, which would result in turning away, serving and worshipping false gods. Deception does not usually come in loud obvious ways. Deception seems harmless and even good, but it turns your focus away from LORD, when you focus on something worthless and put your energy into it, you begin in a sense worshipping and serving falsehood.
The Israelites could have been fooled into thinking that the forces of nature were in control. They might see the superstitious practices of their pagan neighbors as harmless. But those fun little seasonal activities would lead them down the slippery slope of focusing on rules that people came up with instead of what God had already told them.

If you’re not a farmer, then you probably don’t care whether it rains or not. You might actually prefer that it doesn’t rain. In America, we don’t really worry about famine. We can easily become content and feel like everything’s okay and it’s going to stay that way. But God is in control of nature and kingdoms. And no matter how hard you work the ground and no matter how sweet of a trade deal you have with other countries, God is the source of life and sustenance. At any time our whole world could be turned up side down. It is on God that we must depend, not on our government, not on our employers, not on our education.

... - - - ...

What is with this world? People looking down on other people because of the color of their skin. Kids running off and seeking refuge with sexual predators. One man throws money in the trash while a starving child digs through the dump to provide for her family. But the world’s not all depressing. Everything’s not unfair. There’s just so much I don’t understand. Why do I criticize others for my faults? Why do I do what I know is wrong? Why don’t I do what I know is right? God is so un-understandable. Ultimately he’s in control. But somehow in all this meaningless we find our meaning. Sometimes I think that I would be willing to give up my freedom and the feeling that my life is mine in order to have a better world. But that would leave us feeling empty. We find satisfaction in making the world a little bit better. When I overcome everything within me that pulls me toward complacency and evil and I choose to act and make the world that I can see perfect for a moment, that is awesome.

Avram

This week's Torah portion is Genesis 12-17.
It's the beginning of the life of Abram/Abraham, a man of faith.