A Meditation

I am but dust and ashes.
I am created in the image of God.
My life is but a breath.
I am in this moment for a Divine purpose.
The universe was created for my sake.
I was created to serve my creator.

Thanks & giving

Thanksgiving

I worked Thanksgiving day. A homeless man came in and asked for a manager. When a manager came over, the man loudly proclaimed, "I'm homeless, and I want you to give me something for free."

Now let me put this in perspective for you. First, this was Thanksgiving day. If there is ever a day on which a homeless man can find a free meal, it's Thanksgiving. School's, churches, companies, and individuals have been collecting and donating food and money all month long so that poor and homeless people can enjoy a Thanksgiving dinner. Second, I work at Central Market. A great company to work for, very generous and community oriented. But it's a place of business, not a charity. Again, Central Market, not your average grocery store. We sell organic, imported, and specialty foods. You can't even buy a plain old can of coke, but we have bottled Coke's from Mexico for $1.50 each. In all of Dallas, this man could not find a charity giving out free thanksgiving meals, so he resorts to coming to the fancy part of town, the regular grocery store accross the street is not good enough so he goes to the fancy grocery store. Third, this guy demanded something free. He wasn't asking. It was as if he felt that Central Market owed him some food.

A customer overheard the demand. She gathered a bag of her very own groceries and handed them to the man. "Here you go," She proclaimed, "Happy Thanksgiving and GOD... BLESS... YOU."

Hey, Left Hand, look at Right Hand.

Giving

And we're on the downhill race to the next big day. (fyi: I don't celebrate Christmas.) I think generosity is what is meant by "the spirit of christmas." Why do people have to give people presents that they don't even want just because it's the time that they're supposed to give presents? Sometimes in December there aren't a bunch of things I want. Sometimes in May there is something I want. Why don't you give me a present in May? I would rather give someone something they want to get than give something I want to give. I've gotten so many presents that the giver wanted to give and I have to say thanks for something I would actually rather not have. And I realize that it truly is better to give than to recieve. Do I give God what He wants to recieve or what I want to give?

Thanks

You might pray before you eat. Jews generally say a blessing before and after they eat. It says in Deuteronomy 8:10, When you have eaten and are satisfied you shall bless the Lord. Food is not blessed. They don't pray that they survive the meal, or that the food would do it's job and nourish their bodies (sometimes that dang food doesn't realize it needs to do some nourishing). They bless the Lord for having created and provided the food.

This rich guy threw a big party. He invited a bunch of people to his mansion. There was all kinds of food and entertainment. The guests arrived and couldn't stop thanking their host for inviting them to such an amazing party. As it got late into the night, the host announced that each guest had a room prepared and the party would continue the next day. This went on for weeks and months. The guests ate and played and just partied. Then one day the rich host announced that they all had to leave. The party was over. As the guests left they all complained about the host. Who does he think he is kicking us all out? I was just starting to have fun. He could have let us stay one more day.

Thank God for what he gave back then. Thank God for what he's been doing.

Action Pictures

A mom leaves the register to run to the cold drinks section and get an Arizona tea. The baby girl in the shopping cart (they call 'em "buggies" down here - shopping carts, not babies) starts crying. Her crying is a sort of tear filled series of alternating screams and gasps for air.

This girl was terrified. Her Source of security, comfort, sustainance, her Everything, Mom, had disappeared. Where did She go? When will She come back? Will She ever come back? How long will I be alone surrounded by all these strange people? How will I eat? Where will I sleep? Will my diaper ever be changed again?

As I studied grief in some of my counseling classes, I had this idea that maybe babies, children, and adults all mourn the same things, though not the same things. A child cries when he loses a toy. An adult cries when he loses a job. Equally tragic from different perspectives.

What about grief from the Divine perspective? Why did Jesus weep?

The next day. A pedestrian reaches on top of an SUV that is backing out of a parking space and grabs a cup of coffee. He reaches in through the window and hands it to the driver. The SUV drives away and the man walks into the store.

I see acts of kindness, rudeness and neglect every day. What leads us to choose one over the other?

On another day the man might have walked on by pretending that he didn't even see the cup on the roof. Or on anoter day he might have found someone and pointed out the driver's dumb mistake.

Hang up the phone, be patient, open your eyes. No man is an island.

rize

19:32
"You are to rise in the presence of the elderly and honor the old. Fear your God; I am the Lord.

Did you know that verse was in the Bible? When was the last time you heard somebody preach about rising in the presence of the elderly? Does this commandment not apply to you because it's in the middle of a bunch of dumb Old Testament laws that don't matter anymore, even though in the same chapter verse 18 contains the command "Love your neighbor as yourself"? Did Paul or Jesus ever say, "it's okay to stay seated in the presence of the elderly and to tell jokes about them and make fun of their infirmities."? Is this one of those "ceremonial laws" that Calvin said we don't have to obey? Maybe it's just a cultural commandment and standing up had some special significance for Jews.

Maybe it does in our culture too. Watch one of those court tv shows. When the judge enters you hear "all rise". When the honored bride walks down the aisle everyone stands. Standing is an act of respect even in our culture. Sitting all relaxed and comfortable sends another message.

Old people may be hard of hearing. They may walk bent over. They may be hard to understand. They may tell strange long stories. But why do we really mock old people in our society? We love youth. If only we could gain wisdom from the elderly. They may not be fast and quick and strong. But maybe we can learn something.

And notice the last part of the verse. Respect for senior citizens is tied to and parallels respect for God.

What if honoring the aged is not ceremonial or cultural? What if it really is a moral issue?

Uno

Rosa Parks died the night before last. I think that what makes her so great in our minds is that she proves that one person can make a difference. One small person's seemingly small act can have great and lasting effects. I think she is great in our hearts because of her unique combination of gentleness and boldness.

Causing change, righting wrongs, speaking against injustice and making the world a better place does not have to be left up to politicians and preachers. Each individual can change the world in which she finds herself. If you want to be free, then be free. If you want to be loved, love. If you want the hurting to be helped, help the hurting.

Bono's face is on the cover of Rolling Stone. Even if you've never heard a U2 song, you might have heard of how this guy with sunglasses and stringy hair is trying to rid Africa of AIDS. He preaches to preachers about real love.

I used to go to Deep Ellum on Friday nights. A group of us trying to save Dallas one soul at a time. We formed an interesting relationship with the homeless people as a whole. In many ways we were similar. Out there with an agenda, if only we could get people to stop and listen to our story. But they wanted to get something from the people. We wanted to give something to the people. So we gave to them, they got from us. Sort of a codependant relationship. They got food, clothing, occasionaly money, and to be treated with a bit of dignity. We got to feel like we were helping out, we were appreciated, we got to pray with them. Many of us had our eyes opened to some the real world that is out there.

When that group becomes individuals what do we do? Are we still looking to give? Do I believe that I can make a difference? Do I have to wait for a leader to step up and show me where to go? Do I really love people?

I complain in my mind about the dumb customers at work. But when Messiah spoke about the least of these did he mean everybody? If I think evil about a person am I thinking evil about their creator? Find the Imago Dei in each person. There's always something to love.

Love for self flows into love for people like you into love for people other than you into love for those against you into love for those you are against into love for people you don't know into love for the God you can't see.

Lifehouse

I bought the new Lifehouse CD today, and I like it. Just thought I'd let y'all know.

This Sabbath I'm going to start teaching beggining Hebrew to people in the congregation.

Return

So we went to the Jewish synagogue on sabbath. It was close to what I expected. We entered the "foyer" and were directed to put on kippas (the little circular head coverings). before we entered the main room, I noticed the cabinets over to the side. One door was open revealing books. We went over and each got a siddur (book of prayers) and a chumash (first five books of the bible with commentary in hebrew and english). An older gentleman, whom we later learned was named Paul, came over to help us out. I knew where they would be reading in the chumash, but I asked him where we would be reading in the siddur. He eplained that they had a stand displaying the page numbers on the stage.

There were only a handful of people there at first. But slowly the room filled up. The moment the tenth man got there they finished up the prayer they were on and then said the mourners kaddish. I recognized the prayer, but couldn't find it in the book. Paul explained that they waited for the tenth person and then inserted it when he arrived. Paul sat near us and helped us out explaining various things throughout the service.

I knew what was going on most of the time because their service was similar to my dad's messianic congregation in Colorado. I was able to follow along with the Hebrew when they slowed down and everybody sang together. But for the majority of the prayers everybody prayed through at their own pace with the leader occasionally saying a line loudly so that everybody would know where he was.

They read from the torah scroll. That part was very much like at my dad's congregation except these guys were way faster and read through the whole torah portion. At dad's congregation they only read 21 to 40 or so verses.

Then a rabbi preached a sermon. Because they are in the period before Yom Kippur he preached about shuva (repentance). One part stuck out to me. Repentance means to return. When we repent we are returning to our origin which is good. This is totally opposite of the Catholic-Baptist theology that man is totally evil, or the general Christian idea that man starts out bad. But we are created in God's image. That is good. We start out good. Yesterday at work I was thinking about babies and kids (there's a lot of them with their moms at the grocery store) and I think it is true that our origin is goodness, the image of God in us, but as we go through life we mar that image and become more evil.

So on and so forth. What do y'all think?

Here we go

Not much exciting has happened with me. I've been working and haven't had much of a chance to blog.

Tommorrow, Ben and I are going to a Jewish synagogue. Ben has to go to a non-Christian monotheistic service for a class at Dallas Theomological Seminary. I'm just going along with him.

N.O. Words

I'm all questions and no answers when it comes to the New Orleans situation. And my questions don't even seem worth asking. You've probably got the same questions. I don't have any great words to say about this. I doubt there are any.

A few words

In about 2 weeks I will be celebrating Yom Teruah, better known as Rosh Hashanna. Rosh Hashanna means head of the year, even though it's the first day of the 7th month. Throughout the Bible this day is usually called Yom Teruah, which means day of shouting. It is the day of the last trumpet. Shavuot (Pentecost) is the first trumpet, Yom Teruah is the last trumpet. Rabbis say that Rosh Hashanna was the day that God created Adam. It is the day that man accepts God's kingship. Later in the month are the biblical holidays of Yom Kippur and Sukkot (Day of Atonement and Feast of Tabernacles). As I've said before, the spring festivals (i.e. Passover) point to the first coming of messiah. The fall festivals point to his second coming.

Would some Christians mind enlightening me? Jews needed Passover to point to Messiah (the shadow pattern thing) right? But it most obviously pointed backwards to the exodus to help them remember what God had done. Why dont Christians keep the Passover pointing back to help them remember what God did both in the exodus and on the cross? And why dont Christians keep the fall feasts which point to the second coming?

By the way, not eating milk and meat together, women not braiding their hair or wearing jewelry, and not eating leaven on saturday are not commands found in the torah. The first one is a rule that rabbis have made up, the hair and jewelry is from Paul, and Unleavened Bread is during the week of Passover.

And the torah does lead to Jesus. That's the whole point.

To do list

I have things to do, but is there enough time left to do them?

I have truth to seek, but will I ever be sure that I have found it?

I have things to say, but can words convey the meaning?

I have people to love, but will I know them when I see them?

I Gotta Outgo

So I went to Starbucks yesterday morning (after I went running and saw two pretty white horsies off in the distance.) to try out my wireless internet card thing (which I can't get to work with my computer anywhere except for at the school because my explorer is set to work for the school network and I dont know how to change it). And I noticed that the barista guy was way outgoing and friendly and upbeat, the way I should be at Central Market. And yesterday at work I got my performance review thing (and a raise) and was reminded that I need to engage the customers (talk to them).

I'm really working on the whole not caring a lot about what other people think of me. It holds me back from doing a lot of things. I'm afraid of looking dumb because I don't already know everything about everything. I thought I had more of a point to this post, but that's all I'm writing.

Cover a Multitude

I keep being reminded that I need to tell people not to sin, and that when I see people sinning, I should tell them to stop. But it's kinda uncomfortable when some of the things I believe are sins other people don't think are sins. It's tough enough when we both agree that what they're doing is wrong. But then when it will lead to a debate about scripture and whether this is right or wrong and why have they never even heard this before. So I've pretty much kept my mouth shut, except for on my blogs and when people ask me about what I believe. Still I'm torn, because I know there's a better way. But I'm not doing everything right. I feel like I have to stop sinning completely before I can tell anyone else what is right or wrong. So I wait for them to open the door. When they realize that I believe a bit differently they ask questions at the beginning. But then they stop. It's like they want to know sorta what I believe, but not why. I prefer the debating to the apathy; not because I have a desire to argue, but because it shows that they care; and the Bible as our standard for faith and practice is something we should care about.

John the Baptist got the whole scoop on what I believe a couple weeks ago at work. He drilled me in between customers. And we even moved on to the debate portion. But he hasn't talked about it since. He just resumed quizzing me about the Bible as he had before, i.e. what's John 17 about? He did quite a few yesterday. He would just say a chapter, and I would tell him the subject. He did it, in his words, "to see if he knows what he thinks he knows." He is impressed that I know the Bible pretty well, because so many people don't. He said he's gonna start quizzing me on the Old Testament now. He says he knows it better than the New. We'll see what happens.

Plan B

"We are the all singing all dancing crap of the world" We can preach, we can teach, we can love. We sow seed, we water. The person will either grow in God or fall away. Give up trying to change people. A teenager's life appears to be transformed and a few years later she falls back into worse despair than she was in before. A girl's prayer request every day for years is that her daddy will get saved; he comes to church and everyone rejoices; but the family is still not perfect, and years later she's shacked up with a guy who's nothing but trouble. The youth pastor's pet is a pervert. The pastor's kid is a pot-head. Teach good doctrine, teach the best doctrine you know, people will believe what they want. You can live in an area where there are 8 churches within 3 blocks and over 20 good size churches within a mile radius and still be living in the biggest dope dealing complex in south Dallas. Of course probably very few of the churches have any sound biblical teaching. Motivational speakers seem to be replacing pastors. Are church families too disconnected and dysfunctional? Shouldn't someone have seen the warning signs? What is a shepherd for, anyways?! When your church building looks like a football stadium it's probably kinda hard to keep track of all the sheep (and more than a few goats and wolves surely blend into the flock as well).

This life is supposed to be more than just waiting to get to heaven. It's more than handing out tickets for people to wait in line for heaven. I can't change anybody's mind. I can't change anybody period. Someday I'll give up trying. Then I'll be who I'm supposed to be.

The Kingdom of God

In Numbers 25, Phinechas, Aaron's grandson, thrusts a spear through a couple of fornicating idolators. God praises him for being zealous/jealous for God's honor, and stopping God's wrath. Yet even with God's wrath halted, 24,000 people had died.

The Kingdom of God. God as King. Rebellion against a king is treason and deserving of death. God had a lot of people killed in the days of Moses, Joshua, and the Judges. He used natural disasters, plagues and people to wipe out lots of people. In the prophets we see that God would use nations to punish nations.

I believe God is still the same. He can use war and nature for his own good and just purposes. Everybody dies sometime. God can decide when and how. I think we miss some of the messages he is sending by means of wrath, because we like to think that he's not like that anymore. When terrible things happen I think we should point the finger at God and ask "Why?" He might have an answer that we should listen to.

"Hear O Israel, YHVH our God, YHVH is one. Blessed be the Name of his Glorious Kingdom for all eternity." It is recited three times a day by observant Jews. In doing so, they are to be accepting God's reign in their lives. Agreeing to live as obedient servants to YHVH their King.

"The Kingdom of God is within you." Am I in my mind a slave to God's law? Am I still in my flesh a slave to sin? Am I trying to serve two masters?

With my mouth and my heart I pledge allegiance to God alone. The blood of patriots (and rebels) may give us a temporary superficial freedom, but the blood of Messiah gives us true freedom.

YHVH Nissi. The LORD is my Banner. (anybody remember the childrens church song "his banner over me is love"?)

Cuz this is just crazy!

read more about the picture here.

read more of what I've written about the Shema (Hear O Israel) here, here, here, and here.

5th of July

In case you were wondering, I had a good 4th. I got up before 6 am. and went to work at 7:15. I got off at 1:30 and went home and had a nice afternoon of quiet time. I called my mom and told her happy birthday. I spent the evening with Joy. You can read about the fireworks and stuff in her post, cuz she wrote so wonderfully and I gotta go. I just paid a bunch of bills. Yippee!

Discriminate

“Hey! Hey, man.”

I guess he’s calling me. So I get back out of my car and see the black man walking towards me in the apartment parking lot.

“Jimbo” he extends his hand.

“Joshua” we shake hands.

“Do you play guitar?”

“A little bit.”

“I don’t mean to sound racist or anything . . .”

I was unaware of the stereotype that black people have that young white males play guitar. John the Baptist at work, who happens to be of a darker skin tone, also assumed that I play guitar. But, maybe it’s not that I’m white, maybe I just look like a guitar player.

I was working next to someone from SAGU the other day. I gave a customer her change, $7.24. I told my coworker, “Her change was the same as my birthday, seven twenty-four!”

A couple of customers later a woman bought a six pack. Her total was $7.24. I told my coworker, “Wow, her beer cost the same as my birthday, seven twenty-four.”

He said something like, “Then you have an evil birthday.” His comment was based on the idea that beer is just plain bad.

We talked for a while and he held firm that he planned to never drink beer. But he said that he would probably have wine at his wedding… and dancing.

There is a stereotype in this subculture that beer drinkers are bad people.

Saturday, I mentioned to someone that I went to “church” that morning. He asked if I was Seventh day Adventist. I’m not.

In the A/G bylaws under “Legalism” they state that you shouldn’t add conditions to salvation, such as resting on the seventh day.

When people find out that I keep Sabbath and don’t eat pork they label me as “legalistic” (well, first they ask me if I’m Jewish) and they usually assume that I’m trying to earn my salvation by works. I'm not trying to earn my salvation. I'm trying to obey God.

Stereotypes and double standards. A/G bylaws state that you shouldn’t press your opinions concerning the seventh day onto others. But they also say that you should tithe the way they want you to tithe.

Why are wine and shrimp okay, but beer is bad?

I wonder if Jimbo is good at basketball. But he was kinda short so he’s probably more of a football player.

weekly

Been workin. John the Baptist tried starting theological debates with me. All the stuff he wants to argue about is so pointless. let's talk about something that has to do with our every day lives.

tonight i'm making dinner for joy and some friends. last week we had the mooy's over. i'm so grown up. ha. if you want me to make you dinner next week, email me, call me, or leave a comment.

Juneteenth

Joy doesn't want me to write about work. But all I've been doing lately is working and hanging out with her. So, with the exception of Joy, I don't have much to write about.

Juneteenth is coming up soon. I hadn't even heard of it until a couple semesters ago in MESA (Multi Ethnic Student Association). It's the celebration of when the news of the Emancipation Proclamation reached the slaves in Galveston, Texas in 1865, two years late.

Listening.

There's this new guy at work. His name is Jacob. He's just a bagger for now. He is short and has grey curly hair and a moustache. He has a peculiar way of moving. He reminds me of my high school Bible teacher. He also has an accent and reminds me of Robin Williams in "Jacob the Liar". I asked him were he is from and he said Russia. I asked him his last name and he said that it is too long and confusing. But I asked him again and he said it and I was able to repeat it. He was impressed by my name saying skills. He's a cool little man.

Last night, when it was getting close to closing time, the manager turned off the air conditioning. It was deafeningly silent. I noticed that there wasn't music playing like there usually is. I heard the beeps of the registers. Crinkling of bags. Carts rolling. Quiet voices. It felt like the air was thin, not full of all the extra noise. I noticed the people in the store. I wondered for a moment how the world would feel without traffic, tv's, radios, and all the background noise that we filter out of our conscious minds. Maybe we've gotten so used to filtering that we also filter out people. Voices and faces flow in and out and they seem as meaningless to us as blowing air. "Maybe we crash into each other so that we can feel something."